Wednesday, August 17, 2011

My babies are Not Babies Anymore

Today is a big day. Today is the day I have dreaded since the moment that positive pregnancy test showed up with two dark lines. Today was the day both my children was going to be handed over to the world to be taught. No longer were these wonderful little creatures going to be huddled and protected by their mommy tiger. They were going to learn to interact, be disciplined and deal with consequences. They are going to learn that every action they have will have either a positive or negative consequence with their lives. Today my babies are both children. My son a kindergartner just beginning his school career and my daughter the fifth grader is going to be top dog.

The day started out as any other day. We woke up and walked over to our closets. My daughter wore a cute little outfit of a striped shirt, cami and a new pair of jeans while my son layered a plain polo with a checkered shirt and jeans. Both my babies looked so big as they heaved their backpacks over their shoulders. I followed them closely as they held hands. I smiled at them both even if I felt like I wanted to throw up. No longer could I protect him. He was going to have another female influence in his life. Ro grabbed my hand and reassured me that it was going to be okay. Kindergarten assessment made my heart scream it is too early. He is not ready. However, my brain told me "Mama it is time to let go."

The children have breakfast at school since it is cheaper for them to eat there then it is for me to cook. I helped lil Ro pay for his breakfast and lunch. He came to the table and ate eagerly with his sister. I walked out the gym and stood in the hall fighting back choking tears. Ro just grabbed my shoulder and squeezed them. I knew he would be okay. He had to be.

Soon the bell rang for morning recess. A large group of kindergarten mommies and I walked out to the primary playground. Lil Ro did not hesitate one time. He ran to a spring horse and started talking. He is my social butterfly you know. He played his heart out and I just stood there staring feeling as though a arm or leg had been removed. How am I going to survive without my baby? How will I get through the days?

After 15 minutes of morning recess the bell rang once again. Now the kids needed some direction. We helped them on with backpacks and walked towards our doors. You could tell us kindergarten mommies were stressed. We all wandered around like lost puppies but were putting up a front of smiles. I snapped a couple of group photos. I got one of him while walking out the door. He looked at me like I was supposed to stay. But a clean break was easiest.

Ro tried his best to keep me busy. It was very hard. I missed my son. I missed my shadow. But thankfully the day passed by very quickly and soon it was time to pick him up. He had a wonderful day and came out running to my arms. Thankfully he is enjoying school and I know in time I will learn to enjoy my free time. We take 5 years to mold our beautiful children and then at 5 we have to let them go. They have to develop into their own people and make their own decisions. Then our job is to worry and pray they do their best. That is all I ask of my children to do their best and they will make me proud.

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