Sunday, August 31, 2008

A day at the park...and a buffet

We woke up kind of late this morning but I was dying to get out and spend some time with my beautiful kids. I wanted to go to Deerfield Spray grounds but I had no clue where they were located. We headed out for lunch. We went over to our favorite Chinese Buffet called Empire. I was so proud of little man until almost the end. I got to eat all my food and we were going to the Mongolian bar. Lil Ro got very excited watching the man cook our food and screamed loudly Wow. I hear some lady scream "Shut that kid up!" I about lost it. For one the kid had behaved before that. But you know what it is OK. I hope she sees she was wrong.

Afterwards Big Ro and I headed to a park called America The Beautiful Park. I has a beautiful sculpture that the kids can wade in. I loved the time the kids had and I hope we can return next year with even better pics. Time will tell. I will let the pics tell my story.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

A pretty Good Saturday

Nothing can compare to our Friday we had together. I have seen the beauty of my child and she cannot cease to amaze me. Life is good right now. Yes we live in an apartment but my children have two parents who love and adore them. They go to bed every night with full stomachs and a warm room. They have pets and a devoted mommy who would give her life for them. It is funny how when I first became a mom I was terrified. I was so scared of this tiny creature who needed me for single comfort. Being a parent is the most rewarding and hardest job I will ever have and I love it.

Today Big Ro had to work untill 12. I of course was home with the kidlets. We watched cartoons and munched on our breakfast of cereal. Afterwords daddy came home. He was exhausted as he had not slept much the night before. I knew if the kids and I stayed home he would not sleep at all. So off we went to a new park I have seen a couple of times. I fell in love. It was a small park but I could actually let Lil Ro run free. Did I mention he had his first big boy swing?

After we came home we debated on what to do for dinner. I ended up making tortas de queso de puerco. It was cheap, fast and yummy despite the description. We came home and relaxed. With 2 days off as a family. I hope it goes well and we have a good time.

Friday, August 29, 2008

I am so blessed

This day was a day very close to perfect I cannot say perfect because well it did thunderstorm. From the time we woke up we have been running and running. We went to the dollar store and purchased our balloons for the Caylee tribute. Roana broke my heart as she kept telling anyone who would listen about Caylee and her bad mommy. Shockingly people listened to her with tears in her eyes. My daughter the hero. I am teaching her empathy and she has shown that lesson very well. Before she would cling onto that balloon and say mama its mine but today she told the heavens. "Caylee this is for you please catch it. Do not worry I don't need it. I have my mommy. I wish she was yours because she would have taken care of you. Don't worry my grandma is there she will love you". I had tears in my eyes and I told Caylee my goodbyes. I told her I was sorry I could not protect her and I am determined to make her story known to all. I pray she is still alive but if not I know she is protected. My big Ro is even obsessed with this story. He was so excited for me because I guess when we released our ballons the "egg donor" was rearrested. He told me someone was listening and she will see her day in jail. We all know what they do to child abusers there.

After we went to the dollar store we went to Mcdonalds for lunch and petsmart to get the fish some food. While we were there Roana fell in love with a fish. It is a small Comet Goldfish. We named "her" Cana. A combination of Caylee and Roana. Just another tribute to that sweet child. As you can see right now my mind is on her nonstop. It is not healthy but I cannot rest until I know what is going on and where she is at. All across the nation this sweet baby touched my life. I hope she has too somewhat touched yours. I am so blessed to have a heart and have 2 wonderful children and I would give my life for theirs. I am going to go hug them tight right now. If you like please join me. To continue to remember Caylee. I am going to light a candle at 8:00 pm every night and say a pray until she is recovered and home. Either way. Enjoy our pics. Notice in the pics the weather was grey and cloudy very fitting for this tribute. I only had two balloons as Lil Ro decided to pop his. Guess its just reminder now to hold her close to our hearts.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

My Inspiration

I am finally feeling a little better today thank goodness. I am upset about Caylee obviously. I still cannot comprehend how any mother could harm her child or not try to save her. I look at my children. Yes they make me angry sometimes but I could not harm them if I tried. I was a prospanking mama but I realized it does not work. Now I am disciplining by rewards and punishment. Roana now knows that grounded is not a good thing and Lil Ro knows that I will take it away. I have to admit I feel better knowing my babies are not physically being hurt. I digress however. On Monday it was my grandparents 36th wedding anniversary. My PawPaw and MawMaw have basically taken care of me since infancy. My first words where actually "Ganpa". To this day I am a grandpas girl. I am amazed at my grandparents. My pawpaw has been through countless operations and mawmaw is a breast cancer survivor. They are a perfect match. My grandpa tells me when she is sick that he would sell his home and live under a bridge to make my mawmaw well. Then my mawmaw also admits that she will cease to live the same way if he passes on. This marriage is both their second marriage but I can see that God has definately placed a hand largely in their life. They are my inspiration and can show me that love can conquer all. But you have to keep faith in your relationship and God. There cannot be any doubt and you must overlook the small stuff.

Ro & I are getting along much better right now. We have learned we both have little quirks and places you do not go. We both have hearts and we both are still in love. Life is too short to fight. You never know what will happen. I will follow my grandparents inspiration and realize noone is perfect and that is what makes us love them.

I am so angry

Today it was found that the hair in Caseys car was indeed decomposing. The grandma is now out there searching and putting on a show. This beautiful little girl is missing possibly dead and if her mama does not talk we will never know what happened. Tomorrow we are having a balloon launch for Caylee Anthony. My two children and I will release 3 balloons for her life. I am choosing pink balloons. This launch will occur at 8:00 pm and you are more then welcome to join us wherever you are at that time. Lets show that this little girl is not be forgotten. If you are concerned for the enviroment light a candle. Which I may opt to do. Lets show this Casey that this child matters to us. She needs to tell what she knows.

I wrote this poem in honor of Caylee. I am still praying she is with us. But the evidence does not go in her favor.

Gone too Soon: A Poem For Caylee Anthony

You were just a face on the internet
I read your story that's how we met.
I prayed for you wished you were mine.
In my heart I thought all would be fine.
I heard the news that you are gone today.
My heart is broken in a different way.

Your innocence was taken away too soon.
I hoped you were hiding somewhere under the moon.
I prayed and cried and clung on like you were mine.
I know wherever you are, you are now just fine.
Sweet, sweet angel angel rejoice you are set free.
To find you justice, that is now part of me.

Sweet angel lay down your sweet head.
You have blessed us as we have said.
I never knew you but know I am here.
In our hearts you are always near.
Dance in heaven and play in the sky.
In our thoughts you are always close by.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What is wrong with me?

I was doing so much better. I even cleaned my apartment a little. Then it hit me like a semi truck. The nasaea. I cannot keep anything down not even water. Ok take it back I got 2 popsicles down but that is because I needed to eat something. This flu is killing me. To make matters even better I have noone to help me.

Tomorrow Rogelio has to work and then he has a funeral to attend. One of his coworkers wife passed away from cancer. It puts a lot of things into perspective. Fighting is just not worth it. I tried to take the kids outside and play but mommy started shaking and turned pale. Hopefully Friday I am back to normal. My kids need to have some fun and me lying in bed crying cannot help. I only ate a hamburger yesterday and I was fine. Then bam it hit me like a semi truck. We will see how I feel in the morning. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I want to get going

I am really lagging on my blog right now and I apologize ahead of time. Mommy is having a rough time right now. Daddy and mommy is still not 100% over that fight last week. Yes we are getting along but we still have a little ice in between us. I am praying with time more trust and me biting my tongue that things will be ok. Mommy is having trouble seeing today. I am very weak and tired. I am sick and to make things even better AF decided to come visit making me a real delight to be around.

I really need to clean. It looks like Gustav came raging through here. I am tired of the toys layind around and the dried cereal on the floor but once I get going I have to sit back down. Even right now I am taking breaks while writing this blog. It will get done though this I promise.

Roana is doing well in school. I had to pay a fine for a book she lost last year and I was none to happy about that one. Hopefully she learned her lesson and we can get past this. I want to write so much more but I feel really sleepy. Hope all is good in your neck of the woods.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sick, sick, sick yuck

Started with daddy. He is still under the weather. I have been feeling pretty bad too so I have not been online as much. I made a meatloaf for dinner today but honestly we have not step foot outside of the house since yesterday and the only reason we left yesterday was to buy groceries from rancho liboria. We got a weeks worth of groceries for 55.00. This includes milk, eggs meat and fruit. I was very proud of us.

My apartment has gone to crap of course. I have zero energy to do anything. I just want to lay in bed and mope in my sweats. Please someone baby me for a change. Yesterday we had menudo for lunch. That stuff soothes my soul and pain more than any chicken soup. Of course we just stayed home today no spray park. Maybe next weekend. I need to figure out a way to eat out as a family. Lil Ro is not tolerating it. I think I will pack some toys for him and our portable dvd player. Its worth a shot right? If we dont figure out something daddy says we will have to go out at seperate times. Wish me luck.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Its summer how in the heck?

Well today was just a lazy day. Mommy hit some yard sales and I found some pretty good deals. Lil Ro is still a little sick but at least he stopped vomiting. Now my big Ro is sick. He has chills and fever but he has to work tomorrow. I think some menudo is in order for us tomorrow. I do not understand how in 80 degree weather our family gets sick. I too am feeling the itch in my throat and the fatigue. Amazing. Hopefully we all feel better before Sunday so we can go do something fun. I want to go to Deerfield Spray park but if we are all sick no way. Wish me luck.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

What goes down must go up?

This is a very common saying around these parts. Well at least what goes up must come down is but this version is more appropiate for me today. Yesterday was very very low for us. Big Ro and I went to bed very angry. We both said very hateful things to each other and we both regret it today. We really do love each other sometimes too much to the point to where we hold back all our bad feelings until all hell breaks loose. We started our day off wrong. No good byes no have a good days just angry glares and the urge to give each other the finger. I regret that now. I never ever let him leave without a kiss. I can only imagine if something would have happened to him today and that was the last thing I remembered about him. I will try to stick to my rule about never going to bed angry so we do not have to go through this again.

We emailed some bad emails back and forth. Both threatening to leave and who was taking the kids. I cried and he cried as we argued and it ended with me telling him he needed to work as that was what he was supposed to be doing. I was sitting at home and my emotions where stewing. I could not take it anymore so I grabbed the stroller and headed off to his job to tell him off. About half way I came to my senses. What if he was getting over it and I made him more angry? Instead I walked into the Family dollar and picked up some lysol.

When I came home and finished cleaning I checked my email. He told me " I love you babe". I knew it would be ok as long as we both were willing to bite our toungues. So today when he got home from work we had a discussion and after some healing time we are alright again. Lesson learned at least. Must bite my tongue sometimes and resist the urge to tease him to the point of breaking his heart. I can admit I was wrong. By the way. Meg you had nothing to do with it. Do not feel bad. We have these tiffs about once every 6-7 months and this time just happened when you were on the phone with me. Love ya girl Thanks for your sisterhood and companionship.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Watch what you say

Today was not a very good day at all. Lil Ro developed a fever and Big Ro did not go to work from exhaustion and to help with our son. The baby slept all day but still it was stressful. Thank goodness for Motrin. I highly doubt I will let him run through mud puddles again for awhile. We watched Ghost Hunter's International. Great Great show. It helps me reafirm my belief in the supernatural.

Well I made a huge mistake today. My life is not perfect and I will not pretend it is to just make life seem perfect. Every relationship has their ups and downs and tonight was an all time low for us.

This evening I messed up and said something very inappropiate to Big Ro. It broke his heart and we had a huge argument. I think I will sleep on the couch tonight as I cannot stand it when he is angry with me. We both said some ugly things but I pray everything will work out. Sometimes I am learning think 3 times before you say something. You may hurt the one you love the most.
Here are some pics from Roana today. It was her third day but the only day I could really focus on her.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Honeymoon is Over!

Now that Roana is home and lil Ro has missed her the honeymoon is over. Yesterday was a great day of school Well the exception being she forgot her homework so mommy had to sprint back to make sure she did it to get credit. We went to our friends and Roana impressed me so much. She only ate half her food and then said mom Im full. I am done. Usually she scarfs it all down and asks for seconds. Of course little Ro is going through some kind of strange phase once again.

Whenever I drop Roana off at school or pick her up he must cry bloody murder. He does not even produce tears. What is sad is that one of Daddy's coworkers picks his daughter up from school and he teases Ro big time. He told him your son cried and I could hear him all across the school. Mommy is pulling her hair out. My son is out of control and I can do nothing about it because daddy insists on spoiling him

Today was low key. I made Lil Ro walk to school and back and that helped with energy but as soon as daddy comes home he is energized more then a pack of brand new batteries. I am going to demand more me time. A relaxed mommy makes a happy mommy and right now I am starting to feel a little cranky. We both had naps today but well they did not help that much. Mommy is going nuts. Right now I am not taking too many pictures as it rained and we have lots of puddles plus Roana is a cheese and I love natural looking photos not posed. So enjoy what I have today.

I am curious as to who will be named as running mates this year. I am a Barack supporter but watching McCains story today was impressive. I need to reevalate my views after running mates are revealed here in the next few days. To me the greatest job we have as americans is to elect our leaders in. This year I am making sure I make the best decision ever. There is no excuse this day and age to be uneducated when you go to the polls. Do not listen to media but find your own facts and make that decision. Another post for another day I suppose. Here are the pics I promised. They range from running in puddles to the fake tears.