Saturday, May 31, 2008

So Our day got better

Hubby came home at 2 and we had to get out of the house. We went to a local Carnival and spent $18.00 and the kids had a blast. This was lil Ro's first time on the rides. Mommy was paranoid so I hopped on with him. Then we went to the car and Lil Ro fell asleep. We went to a buffett and I ate so much sushi. I am still craving it. No not pregnant just love Sushi. So now we are home for the evening but I had to let you all know it got better. Just needed that little freak out I guess. We will see what tomorrow brings. Costco for sure but maybe a quick day trip.

I am checking in to a mental ward!

I swear if I do not get a break. Hubby says I dont know what time I will get done today! Well guess what I did in the last 15 minutes. I recleaned the apartment for the 10th time this morning. Cleaned the dogs kennel cause she went poop in it and someone thought it would be funny to put it in the closet! Then Ro-n got ahold of my apple cider vinegar and gave himself a bath! Then decided maizena was for playing so my kitchen floor was covered. I cannot even go to the park because the dang kid left his shoes in the car! Good give me patience I am going to lose it! Edited while I was typing he did it again. He is climbing on counters....Give me patience!

Friday, May 30, 2008

I am losing it.

I am now in a dip on this rollercoaster. I am growing tired of being neglected. It seems as soon as I sit down someone somewhere needs something from me that they could do themselves. Mommy look, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh, hon can you???? These phrases are driving me mad. I was thinking back to the days where Ro and I would try to make time for each other and I cried. We have not been out just the two of us in almost a year. He won't even talk to his sister so I cannot ask her to take the kids for a day. Is this the way it was supposed to be? I know be grateful. I have a decent man. But sometimes I feel like I am part of the furniture. Like for example. I was in the mood for adult relations. I took advantage of the moment and I did all the work. Sadly no words were spoken either. I guess I should be grateful but what happened to the act of love? I am so frusturated. Maybe if I had just 15 minutes to myself I could blow off some steam. He works in the morning too until who knows what time. Stay at home mom....not as easy as it sounds.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

It's Back

I was not expecting it for another week and a half but microsoft sent me my new Zune and I recieved it yesterday. It felt so nice cleaning the apartment and shaking my bon bon to the rythm of the music. I would highly recommend on to anybody. It is a huge lifesaver when we eat out too! I just load a dora video on it and LiL Ro is content. Go me I am so happy right now.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Taking it all to a new level.

Our whole family besides my skinny butt son struggle with weight issues. Now that it is warmer and I am going nuts being left inside the apartment at all hours, we are doing all we can to stay active. I bought wiifit to motivate me. I am embarassed of all my glory jiggling around for all the "fat" skinny girls to giggle at. So this motivates me at home. So far I have dropped 2.8 lbs and that is without heavy dieting. Also my complex officially opened the pool and this afternoon we all trudged down there. The water was so cold it sent an electric shock down my spine. But we are moving and getting physical activity so we dont morph into giant blobs.

Big Ro joined his work's company kickball and softball team. For those who do not know what kick ball is imagine softball but you kick the ball instead of hit with a bat same rules. We went to the first game of the season today and I finally found some sense of normalcy. I talked to other adults besides relatives and showed my dedication to my man. He kicked the ball hard and I was very proud of him. He also observed me when I did not know. We are bonding more. My children also got to have sense of freedom. They played at a playground 10 yards away with children about the same age. Yes I bitch and moan about his hours at work but I know this is opening us up as a family outside of our apartment. So here are my goals for this summer.

Make one group of friends that are not online or from previous relationship already formed
Lose 22 pds
Take my children outside at least an hour a day
Do half hour step aerobics in morning and half hour at night
Be more patient with life in general

As always life has it's up and downs but I am just riding it. I am taking it one day at a time and loving life. I will moan and groan once in awhile too as I like to say Life cannot always be butterflies and rainbows.

Monday, May 26, 2008

I don't deserve to be a wife or mother

Today was not a good day. I thought it would be, I tried to make it a good day but alas some ultimate force was determined to ruin my day. I spent 4 hours cleaning my daughters room and rearranging. Then we had dinner and my heathen determined I could not eat once again. No wonder I have lost 2 pounds! So after a very hard day of work I came in here to catch up. This was at ten pm by the way so before this my day was dandy.

I hear screaming, I am so fed up and burned out at this point I begged Big Ro to go in and deal with the children. He is upset and calls me in. I look at Lil Ro screaming at the top of his lungs and blood dripping out his nose and Roana is in tears too. Quite obviously they had been fighting I comforted LiL Ro and asked Roana what happened. She tried to lie to me. So I smacked her bottom. Finally she fessed up and told me she kicked her brother. I ran to the bathroom and cleaned my son's face and rocked him to sleep. I laid hin down next to Big Ro and walked into Roanas room. She was laying in her bed sobbing.

I laid with her and told her not to cry. I just explained to her that she could have killed her brother and that none of us want that. She apologized so I laid with her until she calmed down. I came back into my room and laid down. My mind is racing. I cannot sleep. I feel like I have been ran over by 10,000 horses. I know I cannot control how my children react. I am thinking of adapting the concept of a fellow friend of mine who tells her children Hands are for hugging not hurting. I realize I too would need to adapt this lifestyle. I am changing my awareness on my body now I have to work on my mind.

I suck as a wife right now because my patience is worn so thin. I cannot give my husband the time or attention he deserves. Sometimes I think he would be better off without having to worry about me. I feel like I am a burden and that he deserves better. He deserves a patient, kind, loving and serving wife. I feel so selfish because I beg for 10 minutes alone. I know most women would kill to be in my position where I stay home but I look as it as a curse sometimes. I have to care for 3 people and myself and do it for just plain joy. Why cannot he understand sometimes I feel as though I am falling?

Right now he caught me typing this up. He said thanks I thought it was a good day. Yes a lot of things was done but for me the day has to end right for it to be good. So I guess for tonight I will break my own rule " Never go to bed angry". I am. I am going to bed hurt and sad and lonely even though my son sleeps next to me. I am not going to scream and yell at him. I am just going to give myself time to fizzle out. I am not going to threaten him and pretend to leave him. That is just childish. I am just going to exist for the evening.

Today was hard and he does not realize. Today was a year my dear friends. A year ago I lost my remaining parent. A year ago my father passed into the next world. Yes I did not like him at the end but he was my dad and I am entitled to some emotion on this day. I don't think he can understand how I feel. How I have an emptiness that noone else can feel. Yes I have a heart full of love for him and our children but I still miss my parents. I miss asking them did I behave like this? I miss getting advice and not taking it. I miss being a little girl who I could look upon my parents and see the world. Today I mourn my family. I lost my dad and sister a year ago. I have changed. I have to fight for myself and do what I think is right now. My heart breaks on a daily basis but I pray it only makes me stronger. I will for now on take care to place loving hands instead of iron hands to my children. I relish each day as my last as I never know it could be.

I don't deserve to be a wife and mom but God blessed me with these two hardest jobs in the world. Like any other job I will reveiw my performace this far and change it to meet expectations. If you got this far thanks for reading. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

I've Been Tagged 7 things

I have been tagged by Anelys
1. Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog .

1. My name was almost Patricia Opal Ryan but my gg told my mom to name me Susan Marie Instead. Thank goodness.

2. I would love to move to Mexico and if our economy continues to decline it may happen sooner then later.

3. I do not believe in divorce. I talk about it sometimes but I strongly believe marriage is a lifelong commitment.

4. I have to sleep with something against me. Either a pillow or my husband preferably my husband.

5. I miss my mom on a daily basis. I wish I could take back all the bad things I told her.

6. I have a xbox 360 wii and gamecube. We love our technology.

7. I met my husband on the internet. I never had any serious relationships before him. I flew hald the country to meet him and I would not change it.

I tag Erica, Liz, Kelly, Angy, Brenda, Meaghen and heather

Wow what a workout!

We are playing the wii like crazy right now and I am trying to work out 30 minutes a day. Some days I get it other's I do not. I also bought a bottle of ACV to take with meals. Lets see how that goes. My hubby has a three day weekend God permitting. We are going to the park tomorrow and I am very excited for some family time. He may be going to California by himself next month. I am so torn about how to feel about this. I am kind of bitter as it will take time away from us but also his mom does deserve to see her son on her birthday. I would love to go with him but honestly airfare is not worth it right now and bus is not an option. Can you imagine lil Ro on an 25 hour bus ride? Heck no way.

The kids are doing fine. It seems as they get older they are fighting more and lil Ro is getting an attitude. Today we went to chickfila and he played so hard. I love my kids. I am excited to see who they become but also miss those baby moments. I miss the firsts in their lives. I swear you blink and it has all passed by

In other news, I called Microsoft today. They told me I should recieve my Zune by thursday. They send me a new one because the harddrive failed! I cannot wait to listen to my music again.

So that is it. I hope you all have a great memorial day and I will post pics on Tuesday and update my progress on weight.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I got One I am so excited!

I woke up this morning so very excited. Wii Fit is released. I woke up at 630 and went walking. I walked to Toys R Us and I was number one in line. I am so excited to get my kids and I off our lazy behinds. In this game you set a weight loss goal. I set mine for 22 lbs in 3 months. It is acheiveable. I will come on here weekly and update. Wish us all luck as we all get more fit.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Same old stuff different day

This weekend was so nice. I spent time with the kids and my hubby but now its back to reality. It has only been 4 days since school let out and my children are driving me bonkers. I have tried making plans but they keep getting squished its too hot. Its too cold. I'm bored. I wanna watch tv. I am burned out already on 3 more months to go!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I am so sorry I forgot

I never updated on my grandpa. LoL. He was released from the hospital with the defibulator and so far has no issues. I talk to him at least 3 times a week. He is on more medications but at this age we realize that is norm. Thanks for all the prayers and I honestly apologize for leaving you hanging. Life is looking good right now.

I love Colorado

O beautiful for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties Above the fruited plain! This sentence descibes Colorado to a "tee" for me lately. As we drove around out beloved Springs I realized how fortunate I am to see the Peak every day. To smell fresh clean air and play in clear waters. I am blessed to live in this gorgeous city and in this lovely land. I wake up almost every morning and stare at the peak and I am amazed by the beauty.

Today we went to Memorial Park so Rex our oldest dog could get in some well needed Exercise. He chased those pink balls in the water for a good 45 minutes. The kids waded in the shallow end of the lake. Today was 88 so perfect weather. I threw Chiquita in the water and watched her swim back shaking as only a chihuhua would do. Then Ro and I went for the mile walk around the lake. The kids laughed and had a great time. Roana even ran into her best friend from school Following that we ran to 7-11 and bought some slurpees. I think next week we are going to Garden of The Gods. Yes we live here in Colorado but we also need sometimes to be tourists in our wonderful city. Below basically sums up our day.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Having Boys is Scary

A lot of times I ponder should I have another child? Then I think about it more and the reality hits. There is a fifty percent chance I will have another boy. Thinking of little girls in frilly clothes reallly makes me smile and get baby fever really bad. Then I think of my holy terror Lil Ro and I don't even want Big Ro ten feet near me. Let me give you an example. Today I took the children out to fly kites once again. Big Ro came home with the dog and was playing fetch with him while lil Ro rode his power wheel quad. It was time to go eat lunch and I gathered up the crew. I pulled lil Ro by the arm and he jerked away and went running into the parking lot. Then merged to the right and feel face first into prickly bushes. His poor clothes were covered with those nasty thorns and thistles. I could do nothing but rip his shirt and socks off and then pull each one out. My poor son now is covered in a rash and tiny cuts. I even went to the point of sucking a few needles out. You know how people look after falling into a cactus...yep that is him. So you see my dilemma. I will hesitate another year and see how next year looks if not well I have a perfect pair so I can call it done. On other news I am getting wiifit next week. I am very excited to get back in the game. However I am NOT going to burn myself out this time. I am going to get the whole family involved. We shall see what happens. Enjoy this pics of his first touch with danger!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Let's Go Fly A Kite

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. The sun was shining. The kids were laughing and there was a slight breeze. Hunny was working until 3 but the kids needed some sunshine so they could grow. Also the fighting was driving me bananas. Summer is gorgeous and I am learning to take it one day at a time. For dinner we had Monica's taco shop. It was wonderful as always. I am so blessed to have beautiful kids and wonderful weather. However, Monday I am going to have to focus on cleaning up this apartment again.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Yes baby we have made it to nine years! The year of the gift of leather. I sometimes think back to the day where we were young and naive. We thought the world revolved around us. Now nine years later here we are still together with 2 beautiful children. I was going to make t-bones and sides for dinner but when I went to the store they were 11 a pound. I could not justify that spending right now but later I am going to check out prices at other stores. We went to a local taco shop for dinner and I had the al pastor and it was delicious!
Of course no special day can go by without something big happening. Thanks to lil Ro big ro and I had a fight. He got ahold of the bleach and poured it over the carpeting. I ran to target and got rit dye and fixed it but only after greif from dh. Big ro did get me a card that made me cry. He is just the typical guy.
Oh well we made up obviously and are talking of plans renewing our vows next year in front of the church. I am excited about that. Well here are some pictures of us through the years enjoy


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

It's Summer here in Our House

Today was the last day of school. How time flies I know! I am now the proud mommy of a second grader. I cried as I hugged her teach goodbye for the year. She also had a tear in her eye. The funny thing is at the beginning of the year I thought I dispised her. Now I realize she was a blessing to my daughter. Next couple of months when I meet her new teacher I am going to go with an open mind.

We bought kites today and tomorrow most likely I am going to take them out for a test drive. Roana got Hello Kitty and Lil Ro got Transformers. I am going to make it fun this summer. Try not to stress out and pray these next 12 weeks pass quickly.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My husband is the best

A couple of months ago my Big Ro bought himself a Zune. Me being the good wife I am longed for one but was very unwilling to buy one. My sweet hubby of couse said baby buy one you are worth it. Well I have a hard time spending more then 20 on myself. I went into craigslist and looked down. On there listed is a 4 gig green zune. Like this one. No way it is only 50! I call him up and he tells me he cannot find the wires so he lowers it to 40. So for mothers day he got me a Zune. I complain but he is so sweet he got it for me and I love it. Only 2 days until we have been man and wife for 9 years. Funny thing is I still get butterflies like the very first day. Better or worse I am his.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Field day for my pumpkin

Today was field day and it was beautiful. I swore when I had kids, I would always be there at least one time a year to show my child I care. Today was that day. Watching Roana run and hop and play and fall and laugh was a song to my heart. She knows mommy is busy with her little brother but also that mommy will try anything in her power to be there for her. Even though her brother tagged along this day was for her. I hope and pray she remembers her mom was there for her and that she makes me proud no matter what others may tell her.

Today was field day and it was beautiful. I swore when I had kids, I would always be there. We had a blast. Enjoy.