Labor Day, what a blast?

So daddy had the day off today. I love it when we can sleep in past six AM. We laid in bed and chatted about life and the mistakes that have happened since we got together. The kids heard us and came screaming in our room and jumped into the bed with us. We took the dogs out to do their business then headed over to a park we had not been to in awhile.

The kids ran like wild bansees and played very hard. In Roana's new lunch box I packed 4 pears, 2 oranges and 3 bottled waters. We ate our pears and drank our water and just took in the good times. I sometimes wonder if I give my kids enough. I feel bad when i have to tell them no on something they want. But then I think. I am giving them memories and love and truly is that not the most important thing besides food and water.

Most of our day was spent chillaxing in the apartment. We played the xbox 360 and chomped on the food around the house. Of course we got some tacos for dinner. Sometimes the best days are just the days where you wing it.

Big Ro and I talked about his sister and life as she knows it. We have not talked to her in 2 weeks but I have to get in touch with her. Things are so different now and its not even funny. I love Maria. She is the best sister a girl could ask for. I called her crying one day and she made me feel 100 times better. I am so blessed in this life. I am healthy, happy and have the world's greatest family. What more could a woman want? Nothing I tell you. If I died tomorrow I would truly be happy and that my friends is the best feeling in the world.

Please excuse the purple neck. My son was playing with markers and I did not realize it was there. LoL

My Inspiration

I am finally feeling a little better today thank goodness. I am upset about Caylee obviously. I still cannot comprehend how any mother could harm her child or not try to save her. I look at my children. Yes they make me angry sometimes but I could not harm them if I tried. I was a prospanking mama but I realized it does not work. Now I am disciplining by rewards and punishment. Roana now knows that grounded is not a good thing and Lil Ro knows that I will take it away. I have to admit I feel better knowing my babies are not physically being hurt. I digress however. On Monday it was my grandparents 36th wedding anniversary. My PawPaw and MawMaw have basically taken care of me since infancy. My first words where actually "Ganpa". To this day I am a grandpas girl. I am amazed at my grandparents. My pawpaw has been through countless operations and mawmaw is a breast cancer survivor. They are a perfect match. My grandpa tells me when she is sick that he would sell his home and live under a bridge to make my mawmaw well. Then my mawmaw also admits that she will cease to live the same way if he passes on. This marriage is both their second marriage but I can see that God has definately placed a hand largely in their life. They are my inspiration and can show me that love can conquer all. But you have to keep faith in your relationship and God. There cannot be any doubt and you must overlook the small stuff.

Ro & I are getting along much better right now. We have learned we both have little quirks and places you do not go. We both have hearts and we both are still in love. Life is too short to fight. You never know what will happen. I will follow my grandparents inspiration and realize noone is perfect and that is what makes us love them.

Why am I so teary eyed?

I swear I am not one of those women who cry at a drop at a hat. Every time I look at a wedding picture or invite my heart breaks. Ro and I had a beautiful private wedding. I would never take that back. It was just him, the minister and I. I wore a off white dress I had from graduation and he wore the best clothes he had. We were young and in love and at the time it seemed so right. Now that I am 28 friends of friends are getting married and I see beautiful long white dresses. I see flowers and music and I cannot help but think what if. I was researching chapel information in Vegas to renew our vows and honestly the thought flew threw my head. I pondered it but in reality right now is not the time to renew our vows.

We have been married 9 years and they have been wonderful but I now want to appear to be the blushing bride. I am going nuts. Hopefully next year. We said 5 but things came up now we say 10. Time will tell. I know, I know the most important thing is we are in love and married. I guess every girl has her dream wedding. One day Ro will give me mine.

So that is my sob story today. Enjoy these pics from our wedding.

All good things must come to an end!

So today we took my mother in law back up to Denver. It broke my heart to see Roana ask why grandma could not stay with us. I hope she gets to come back this trip and if not well we have great memories of her. We went to the park and she feel in love with it. Then of course we had mole. Hopefully next time she remembers her dentures so we can indulge in Sushi together.











My Beautiful Suegra Just like her name Rosa










Roana & Rosa her last grandma












Rogelio & His Mami














I have found beauty in my Son

Can you See me now mom?
















I am like the smurfs mommy!











This slide is scary but I can do it












The world just awes him

























Talk about perfect timing for this pic











My Husband loves this picture the most
































My future baseball Star



My Suegra & I two peas in a pod

I love this pic they have the same stride. He is following daddy's footsteps

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Yes baby we have made it to nine years! The year of the gift of leather. I sometimes think back to the day where we were young and naive. We thought the world revolved around us. Now nine years later here we are still together with 2 beautiful children. I was going to make t-bones and sides for dinner but when I went to the store they were 11 a pound. I could not justify that spending right now but later I am going to check out prices at other stores. We went to a local taco shop for dinner and I had the al pastor and it was delicious!
Of course no special day can go by without something big happening. Thanks to lil Ro big ro and I had a fight. He got ahold of the bleach and poured it over the carpeting. I ran to target and got rit dye and fixed it but only after greif from dh. Big ro did get me a card that made me cry. He is just the typical guy.
Oh well we made up obviously and are talking of plans renewing our vows next year in front of the church. I am excited about that. Well here are some pictures of us through the years enjoy

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My Joy, My Son

Ever since we had our daughter in December of 2000 we dreamed of having 2 or 3 children. We tried very hard when she turned 2 to start conceiving again. My mother passed in September of 2004 and I mourned her death accordingly. I prayed to God to bless me with another child and went on living life. I was working as a customer service tech for Virgin Mobile when I was shopping with my SIL. We where discussing a mutaul friend of ours who discovered she was pregnant. I thought back in my dates and realized I was late. By a week or so. The day was September 10th 2005. It was 1 year exactly to the day that I had lost my mother. No way in 5 years was there a way I pregnant. It could not have been the one time in Vegas could it have been? I stopped at Walmart and picked up an equate pregnancy test. I came home quickly and ran to the bathroom. I peed on the stick and instantly the test came back. I was pregnant. I screamed and jumped up and down. I scared my poor daughter who could only imagine something was wrong. I picked up the phone and called my husband and tried to tell him our news. He was on the phone with a customer and would have to call me back. Instead I called my sil and told her. Eventually my hubby called back and he was just as thrilled as me.

My first doctors appointment was when I was 12 weeks. I was so excited to hear its heart. I still remember my first ultrasound. The tech could not tell me what I was having lol. She said I was not far enough along. I cried and cried and everyone thought something was wrong. I was a train wreck.
4 weeks later my doctor sent me in to the lab again to check the chambers and my son proudly displayed his bits for both me and my husband to see. I cried again but this time from tears of joy.
The pregnancy progressed fast and I was put on bed rest because of my high blood pressure. I lost my job and stayed at home with my wonderful daughter.


On April 21st I was scheduled to be induced due to my PIH. I woke up at 6 a.m. to get ready and called the hospital to verify my room. To my surprise all the rooms were full. I began to sob. Rog took me in and had them listen to the baby's heart and we came home. They said they would call me when a room opened up. We ran around and did a few more errands and at about 1:30 the call came. My dh and I dropped dd off at my sister in laws and raced to the hospital so I wouldn't lose my room again.They then started my ivs because I was GBS+ I won't lie the penacillon burned my veins but it was worth it to get a healthy baby. At 5 they came in and started another round of medication and then hooked up the oxytocin. I was checked and I was 3 cm and 70 effaced with baby at -1 station. They took their time and turned up my pitocin slowly. At around 10 I was 6-7 cms dialated. I asked for some iv meds. They tried to talk me into an epidural but declined as I wanted full control of my body. I will be honest with you all those meds for me only really worked with the first dose. The baby was now at 0 station. I was estatic. An hour later I was in excruciating pain. My pitocin was turned up to about 12. The contractions were killing me and Rog was suggesting I get the epi. I still refused. I just asked for a lil more meds. Finally after about 6 hrs of labor at 1:24 a.m on the 22nd. I woke up and screamed at my dh to grab someone anyone as I had to get rid of this pain. My midwife came in and checked me and hollered into the hallway its time to get this baby out. By now I am so exhausted as I have been awake for almost 20 hrs. I keep telling the midwife I cant do it. She then told me susan he is right there you gotta push. I honestly felt like kicking her in the head. Finally I realized I wanted to see my lil miracle. And I beared down. The midwife was very encouraging and surprisingly he popped out at 1:42 am in the morning and was looking around. i had only pushed 12 minutes.He wasa beautiful baby very well behaved. He had clear gray eyes and curly dark brown hair. He was 6 lbs 12 ozs and measured in at a shocking 21 inches long. He had long fingers and will probally be a sports player. When we left the hospital he was weighing 6 lbs 7 ozs.We also ended up naming him Rogelio Andrey (Awn-dree) and I call him Ro-N

So there is his story. It has been 2 years now and I honestly cannot imagine life without him. He is annoying at times but he is my son. Enjoy these pictures through these last 2 years.

Happy Birthday My Love, My Life!

I know he doesn't read my blogs but today is my husbands 32nd birthday. I cannot believe we have Celebrated 9 bithdays so far in our journey together. I tried to convince him to stay home today but he said we can celebrate this weekend. The funny thing is I do not think he looks 32 at all. He is getting more handsome with age. I am so proud to call him my husband. Yes we have bad and good days but honestly the good outweighs the bad. Like yesterday he told me I was the best thing to happen to him and he wanted us to be togther forever.

Thank you God for blessing this earth with an angel and i am so glad you blessed me with him. I love you Rogelio for today and forever!

A thin Line betweent love and hate?

I have always heard this expression but lately I am beginning to understand it. For example my dh and I always have little arguments but today I really felt like banging his head against the wall. A couple of days ago he asked me to use any resource to get our friends deposit money back. I posted a complaint to the BBB and then I proceeded to go to ripoff reports and file a complaint there too. Well he had me file these without the knowlege of our friend. So now I am in a flurry trying to cancel them both. It stinks though as I was up several hours trying to do these. I told him then I am tired of his treatment towards me. I deserve respect. When I decided to stay home with the kids did not give him a free pass to sit on his butt all day and act like a child himself. I know tomorrow I will love him again but tonight I am sickened by his behaviour.

Then don't get me started on my sister. She is a piece of work. Yea so what my kid is overweight and so what they are not always 100% clean. They are kids let them be. Then honestly ladies in my past I was arrested for domestic violence. I never told you guys that. So was my dh. We went to our classes and have learned to manage our anger. It was the most humbling time of both our lives. Well her husband is now saying I am not a true parent. So you know what ladies I lost it. I completely lost it. I posted this blog on myspace...

A marriage of convenience?
Current mood: devious
Category: Life


Some people say I am in a marriage of convenience. I am proud to say this is a Bold Faced Lie!!!!!! Rogelio and I proudly state we met online. We are not ashamed! Granted we were never traditionally engaged (if you call engagement losing your virginity in your husbands childhood room) or that we did not have a drama filled wedding (but yea we love our drama filled myspace). We chose to be together. We never played make believe running around making kissy faces at each other. We did not Force each other to stay together because he took care of me when my parents would not! We have met in the middle and we are soul mates. Unlike some other posers (especially one who according to his Wife wanted to get up close and personal with a Man's chorizo (sausage for nonspanish speakers)). I can also say my husband has Only slept with me in every aspect of the word (he NEVER slept with another Woman in a hotel room and ignored my calls). I can Trust my husband as he has never signed up with a dating (well sex finder) service such as adult finders. I am sorry no matter what that is not game. Try to earn the trust back it will never happen.

If it is a crime to be happily married with two children I enjoy on a daily basis then I am guilty and would not want it any other way. These beautiful healthy children that will never know the word "step parent"or will have to worry about choosing between mommy or daddy. That is what being A Parent is truly about. We are the typical marriage and I will shove it in your face (I quit caring a long time ago what you think).

So you hate me now...wow strong word for a Pansy who can't even stand up to her husband. What goes around comes around! Karma is a witch.

Its snowing here right now, and we wanted to take our kids to see the elephants play in the snow, but I don't think we have to go to see them, I can just log in here... Thanks you guys, you saved me the admission...

Don't play with fire or I will burn you back. Burn Baby Burn! Flame on...back to your regularly scheduled programs...

Yea it was a little harsh but you know my heart hurt and like an animal being attacked I had to lash out. My life is different now. you cant say something bad without expecting to get a little repercustions. I don't know. Maybe I am just becoming a mean person.

Sometimes ladies let me be honest with you. Cause I know here I will not be judged or yelled at. I sometimes wish I could just disappear...not die or anything but fade away. My children are not good enough and I am not good enough. I can't do anything right and the only time I am needed is when someone else cant do it. I feel like a ghost sometimes. I feel very empty and unfullfilled. I don't know maybe its because all the ties to my family are gone but honestly I dont want them back. Who knows maybe post partum depression happens almost 2 years later. I try to look at the bright side but I think sometimes it is inevitable.

Please don't worry about me. I hope this is only temporary. Its days like this I really miss my mom. The only one who could truly comprehend what I am going through. I sometimes talk to her in my head and then usually that night something strange happens around me. Lets see if she visits tonight. I hope I can break this funk and that I finally get the kudos I deserve. Life is too short. Its time I live it.

I have now crossed that line between love and hate...I think I have to hate myself enough to love myself.

Today Is A New Day

Today I am going to take time to focus on the positive. I am going to write about beauty. I have found great friends online and I want to take the time to appreciate them all.

Anelys: You are very sweet and one of my best friends. I don't know what I did right to get you into my life but I am very fortunate to have found you. Thanks for being like a sister to me when my real one turned me away.

Kelly: You are a very strong woman. You are a great mother and an inspiration to me. You think almost everything through before it happens but also are not afraid to put your foot down. You came out on vacation and did not hesistate to stay when love smacked you down. Even if you did not know what was going to happen. You inspire me so much. I would love to be half the woman you are one day.

Danielle: You are a great mami and deserve the uttermost credit. I pray one day we can meet soon.

Samy: You also inspire me. You knew things were wrong and decided to stand up for your children your strength helps show me I can pull it off too.

Nicole: You are awesome woman. You make me cheer for you when good things happen and cry when bad things too. You are a great mom and I know your daughter will thank you one day.

Jennifer: You help make it easier to face the day without my dh. You show me that love is all you need and distance is nothing when you are truly in love. You are a true inspiration.

Erica: You have gone through alot of trials with your df. But I am so glad to have met you. You are strong and beautiful. You make me smile and I am glad I can call you friend.

Meghan: You are so sweet and make me laugh. I know I can relate to you in all aspects. I know you are a great mom and wife and I inspire to be like you too.

Heather: Girl you have travelled the world. You have moved from place to place to see Ze succeed. You are an amazing woman. You have two beautiful children and you handle it like nothing for the most part. You have the patience of a saint.

Carrie: I know you dont blog but I know you read mine. You sweetie are my best friend. You helped let me know I am strong and dont need to put up with their bull crap. You inspire me to be a stronger woman and let me know I matter no matter what they may say. I pray we stay friends forever.

My other bbc friends: you listen to me laugh and cry. You make me smile and take my side. Seriously ladies you really rock. You make my day and help complete me.

I am sorry for the cheesy letter ladies but today I had to sit down and let it all out. You need to show people you appreciate them or how will they know it. God bless everyone and have a great day.

Sorry I have been a gloomy Gus lately

I have decided from this point on I will focus on the positive. I asked him what he asked about the ex. He told me he didn't ask his friend offered the information. He said she lost a lot of weight and has 5 kids and is doing drugs. I guess he didn't know Ro wanted to marry her and she declined! Opps now I feel bad for pooring ice water on Rogelio. LoL His friend also told Rogelio he chose the right woman for him. I cannot believe it. He said I am very family oriented, adore him and gave it all up. Plus his family for the most part loves me. I guess we all get a little insecure when it comes to exes. I did not look up my ex. I knew that would only cause problems. I just need to be more secure in our relationship. You guys are right he has never cheated, he adores me and we have a beautiful family. He is not going anywhere unless it is mutual.

Today we were supposed to go to pueblo but when I woke up in the morning about 4 inches of snow covered the ground. I do not think so. It is not worth it. I emailed the lady I was supposed to pick up some things from freecycle from and she emailed me back. She told me she did not care that the snow was bad that she was going to donate the stuff today if I did not pick it up. I am not going to risk our lives for free stuff. Sorry. Grr sometimes they can be pains.

We took the dog and kids out to play in the snow. It took me 20 minutes to dress lil ro. He had a blast and did not mind all the clothes. I made tortas for lunch. All in all it was a easy day but very very nice. Big Ro and I talked alot today. He told me he adores me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. We are planning a vacation in March. Where I am not exactly sure. We are thinking Ohio to look for a place to live in the next year or California to visit his mom. Ideally I would love to go to tennessee. I want to visit my mother's gravesite. I miss her alot lately. I miss her smile and her warm eyes. I miss the smell of her smokeladen clothing and her scratchy voice. I swear when things get rough I can feel her around me. Wow...growing up I didn't think I did not need her and now that I am grown up I can not live without her. She is my inspiration and I strive to be like her. One day ladies I will tell you all everything that has ever happened.

Right now all I can say is take it day by day. Never doubt your love and try to keep your chin high. I love you all thanks for listening. Enjoy the pics of the kids today