Thursday, July 31, 2008

Life is precious just live it.

I am sometimes one of these people who think I am invincible. I am super mom. I am super wife. I am Susan. Well today I was smacked with reality. On Monday my best friend growing up called me on the phone. She asked me if I remembered a girl named Carriy? I racked my brain then boom it hit me. I knew her she was funny, sweet and sarcastic. Who could forget her? I replied to her. Yes as a matter of fact I do remember her. I wanted to shut my ears. I knew this could not be good. She then told me our friend had been shot and was in Critical care. Some sick man who could not control his anger had taken the life of a beautiful mother, wife and friend. The poor children will have no mother and I have lost the chance to gain my friendship back with a friend.

She officially passed Yesterday when they took her off of life support. She is leaving behind four beautiful children and a loving husband. I hope those babies know their momma was a person they can be proud of. Rodney, Zachary, Corinthia "C.J, and Aleyna know your momma was an angel here on earth and if you guys turn out to be anything like her you will make the world a better place. Know that she loved you guys and that one day you will be reunited in that place called heaven. The world is a better place today because we have recieved another angel. You are loved darlings and know did not chose to leave you behind.

She was a gift to the world. The latest news was she was an organ donor. In her honor if you are not a donor please consider it. I have been a donor since I can remember. I think if in your death you can help just one more person and you leave it behind anyway share the life. I am a litle down today understandingly. Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. Rest in Peace Angel. You will be missed and know the world is missing an angel.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Do not panic before you know the whole story, I did but I have learned.

I was not going to post about this but well I feel compelled too.Yesterday afternoon I looked down on my floor under my door and a business card is laying on the floor with the words "please call, thanks" on it. I thought it was just another cable company or someone of the sorts. I flipped it over and read three dreaded words..."Department of Human Services, Child Intake". My heart stopped. I know sometimes I am not the perfect mother and I try to stick to myself but someone finally called on this less then perfect mommy. The time was 445 pm so I ran to the phone and started making phone calls. I got the voicemail so I was stuck waiting all night for the call back.

Today I woke up and it was 5 am. I had nightmares of my son dying, my son being taken away and me being in jail. I was so terrified as I watched the clock tick down to 800 am.

The phone rang and rang. Finally at 1030 am I got ahold of the caseworker. My heart stopped when she asked to verify the address the card was for. She replied "no that card was not meant for you." She then told me to disregard the card and she knew she would never deal with me again as I am a good mom on top of things. I hung up the phone and sobbed tears of relief. I am a good mom and I just need to be more attentive.

I also found out the beauty of one of my boards. When this happened I went into panic mode. I ran to that room as I know at night it is most active. When I was there the ladies wished my child gone into cps. They told me I was a bad mother and that I was lying. I wish I was not but I posted there to get assurance and advice. I pray they never have to go through this.

Lil Ro is safe. He is with his mama and we are doing daily activities. I think this was God's way of smacking me in the face and saying you asked for him, he is here, now be more active. I actually enjoy getting out with him and you know I am going to keep it up. We all sleep better at night and he is less energetic. Thanks for listening and as always enjoy todays escapade.

Monday, July 28, 2008

What color should your blog be?

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.

You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.

You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

Interesting survey. I changed my blog right before I took this...hmmmm

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Just another great day with my Son

I am focusing on positivity right now. I could blog very negative right now, but I am choosing to be very optomistic. Something scary happened to me today but I refuse to post about it. I do not want to remember this and I have learned from it. What we are doing now is taking that negative and turning it postive. We are taking every moment as it was our last. We are playing at parks with our son and watching him grow. Life passes too fast and I do not want to lose any of it anymore.
On a sad note however. I found out today that one of my childhood friends was shot. She will most likely pass and if not will be a vegatable. Tomorrow they are taking her off of life support. I pray for her as I hope you do too. Life is short. Live each day as it was your last.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Company Picnic!

Today was our company picnic. I will admit was a little sad as with face painting, magician and a jumphouse Roana would have really loved it. It was at a local park so I could not snap that many pictures. Lil Ro kept running around and Big Ro was busy playing basketball with his buddy's. Tomorrow we might be going on a hike in Garden of the God's. It just depends on the weather and our mood. Great weekend so far. Hopefully it continues.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Counting down the days

Tomorrow is Big Ro's company picnic. They are having it at a park with a bouncehouse and lots of food and fun. Last years company picnic was a blast. They had it at a Sky Sox game and we made lots of good friends. This year should be even better as Big Ro has been there a year now. I am ready for a good time and wish my little Roana was here to enjoy it with me. Oh well maybe she can join us next year.

Today little Ro and I went to a park near Roana's school. We played on the slide and he met a cute little girl named Sienna. I gave her mommy my number and we will be meeting up on playdates in the future. I really want to write more but I am a little light headed. Hopefully tomorrow.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

What a crazy day!

I was awoken at 5 am this morning by my chihuhua crying. I went to check on her and she was very uncomfortable. Rex had urinated on her. Dang it dog. I sat on the couch and watched Jon & Kate plus 8 for the next hour then laid back down.

I remember Rogelio waking me up to say goodbye. I kissed him and nodded off into dreamland.The phone rang..."Do you have your keys?" Excuse me? Do you have your keys leave them on the table and unlock the door ok? I will explain later. Too tired to question him I did as requested.

A couple hours during lunch he explained to me That somehow he had locked his keys in the car and it was running. I do not know how you cannot know but he is on strick watching now. LoL

From there I decided to take Rogelito out to play.As we were playing on the slide the thunder rolled and sheets of rain came down with no warning. I ran frantically to our apartment telling lil Ro we will go to the park tomorrow. He cried and cried until I gave him a sippy of milk then all was well.

Tonight I got a note that the management will be entering our apartment tomorrow. So I cleaned out my daughters closet and passed the toys out to kids outside. They were so happy and I felt so nice giving out underappreciated toys. I am making a rule for roana when she gets home. For every toy she gets. 2 must find new homes. I have to keep them under control. I kid you not I gave away 4 big boxes of toys.

I talked to Roana right now. She is very happy in California. Right now Lil Ro is jumping on my bed and big Ro is settling down into sleep. I think I will join him. Only 22 days till my big baby is home.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Just my Boy and I!

Roana is in California right now and I am missing her a lot. I know I should let her enjoy her time there but still I cannot help thinking of my baby getting hurt. I am talking to her on a daily basis and I am reminding myself to not cry. I give in sometimes and cry. I think that is the only sane way I can handle all of this.

Right now I am trying to focus on Lil Ro. It is so had to sometimes as he is calling and crying out for his sister. We are trying to do nice things for him. We are taking him to the park daily and last night we even took the dogs for a walk around the park.

I am very proud of my daughter. She is doing great in California. She has not cried to come home yet. My sister in law Maria even told me she is very innocent compared to my nephews. I am very proud of that. For being a 7.5 year old you would think she would be corrupted by now but apparently I am doing the right thing. She is growing up in front of my eyes and I cannot wait to hold her again. She is playing nicely with the dogs there and playing at the beach getting sea shells.I cannot wait to get her back. Time will tell.

So here are the pics of my lil man and I today at the park just in front of my house. Enjoy.

Monday, July 21, 2008

I eloped! Just Joking..... Vegas. It was a trip.....Really.

Shortly after I posted the previous post we finished packing the car and left for Vegas. I fell asleep in the car and woke up in beautiful Silverthorne, CO. I walked into 7-11 and bought a pack of gum. I went back to the car and we headed up the mountains. Colorado is so gorgeous. I love seeing it all. I love the cold mountain air and the purple mountains. When I am there life is good.

We drove into Utah and I really do not care for that state. It reminds me of a prettier Kansas. LMAO. So all is well we were making great time the next thing I know Roana is screaming her head off. I look over to the side and Lil Ro is throwing up the water he just drank. He was very very car sick. Big Ro had no idea what to do. He panicked too. He clutched to gas and went up to 90 miles so we could get to a gas station. All of the sudden there are flashing red and blue lights as we get off the ramp. Please pull to the side of the road is played over and over. We are pulled over. The officer steps out of his car and my heart drops.

As Lil Ro keeps vomiting and Roana is screaming I am pratically in tears. The officer asks for registration and insurance. So it is done. The ticket is 82.00 as he just wanted to warn us. I watched the spedometer until we got to Arizonia.

Finally Arizonia. I was so happy to get here. We are almost to Vegas now. There are wall to wall cars. We are still 70 miles outside of Vegas. There is no way this is Strip traffic. I turn up the radio and listen to my mother in law jabber on. After 45 minutes in 107 with the air barely working we got thru the accident that spilled oil on the ground. I really hoped this was not an indicator of our whole trip.

Finally over the hills I saw it. I saw stratosphere. The kids and I cheered and were so ready for a break. Rogelio wanted to eat but all I could think of was a cold shower and my room. I checked into the hotel Circus Circus and I was ready for a break.

After checking into the room. I ran to the car. Rogelio was standing at the garage and calling my name. He said he was terrified I was hit by a car or something. He was writing a new song for me called Muelle de Las Vegas like the song En El Muelle de San Blas. For rest of the trip he appreciated me and realized fighting is stupid.

Finally settled somewhat we finally got hungry. I was starving the last thing we ate was Wendy's. What can we eat that we have not had in 6 months? In-N-Out burgers! I know I know not the healthiest food but a double double animal style really hits the spot. Plus the fries are heaven and drinks well you get the point.

Lil Ro then decided mommy did not want her drink anymore so I had no choice. He turned it over on the table and I could only look in horror as I tried not to make a scene. The whole resturaunt looked at me and Big Ro told me "Next time just advertise it please." I could have cried. I grabbed a worker and she mopped the floor as I went in to bathroom and wiped away my embarrassed tears.

Thank goodness the night was over.

The following day I woke up. My sister in law had arrived from California. I was delighted when I ran down to her car and she proudly presented me my bierocks & mexican conchas. I was so happy. We were all famished so we chose to go to Denny's. I just had biscuits and gravy with some applesauce and big ro had a grand slam breakfast and Roana ate some alien pancakes. Breakfast was very good.

We all returned to our hotel and went to the room. From there my oldest nephew went down to circus circus main casino to play. Rogelio and I went with the younger nephew and our kids to the adventuredome. Rogelio and Roana went on the spongebob ride and my nephew, Lil Ro and I went and played midway games. It was so much fun. Seeing Lil Ro oh and awe over the roller coaster flying over his head.

We finally hit the time to part our ways. Before they left they asked me a big favor. They were taking my mother in law home but they also took my daughter. So now Roana is in California until the begining of August. I miss her alot right now. Crazy when they are around you want nothing to do with them when they are gone you just want them.

We went to the burger joint again for dinner. We only go a couple times a year and honestly the burgers here in Colorado do nothing for me since I had them. We then drove the stip and made a 10 minute video. I have not yet uploaded it to my website for you guys sorry. I am still physically drained.

Sunday morning we left Fabulous Las Vegas. We love the people we met. They were so friendly and interested in our life. We are definately planning to come back March or May of Next year. Anyone wanna meet up for a wedding? I would like to renew our vows there.

Our trip home went well. I am still amazed at how much empty space this country possesses. I see so much beauty and potential. I see a future in this land and promises. At one rest stop in Colorado we came down to the White Water River Colorado. The water was so clear and fresh and that I wanted to feel it between my toes like everyone else. Lil Ro and I took off our sandals and walked through the water for a while. I am now part of nature like my ancestors. It was majestic and Ideally someday I would love to play with my kids in it longer. We made it home. We had a great time and we had lots of realizations too. I hope everyone enjoys these slideshow I made to show them all 100 + pictures.

View this slideshow created at One True Media
Las Vegas

Friday, July 18, 2008

Off to Vegas!

So I missed my last post but I am sure you all understand. In about an hour we are heading out the door to Vegas and guess what Lil Ro just fell asleep. I am taking my camera and camcorder and I scored a dual screen dvd player for 10. Wish me luck. 12 hours and 30 minutes till I am in sin city. I will post lots of pics and maybe some video when I get back

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Time is Moving Quickly

I have now spent 3 weeks with my mother in law. On Friday morning around 3 am we are leaving to Vegas. On Saturday morning we will part ways and hopefully in the next couple of months see her again. I am so ready for this trip. I need to get away from Colorado. Who knew a break from all this beauty was needed. I am ready to walk the strip and take lots of pictures. I am ready to watch the fountains of Bellagio and eat a couple of burgers. I am ready for a break. I am not ready to say goodbye to mom. I fear a call. I fear losing her. She is not my biological mom but right now she is the closest thing I have to it. A lot of people think we are funny when we are together. I speak spanish and sometimes she tries English. I respect her with all my heart. For being a single mom she raised awesome kids. So tomorrow I will prepare for my trip and make sure I have packed it all. I will post one more time tomorrow then Sunday night or monday morning you can be sure of a long post.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cosleeping a good thing?

Well we have been cosleeping with our kids and usually stop when they are ready. Roana stopped when she was 4.5. But Lil Ro is driving me insane. He naps with his daddy and then does not want to sleep at night. I have to tell you Conan O Brien's hair looks like Something about mary's hair when she put the special gel in her hair for prom. He kicks and cries if you get too close and lately he needs to be in the middle or he rolls off. It is driving me nuts. I miss having this night tim to myself. I miss hugging my husband or waking in the middle of the night for some special one on one time. I do not know how Vegas is going to be. I got to get my bed back. Yes I know its not that long but what if he is one of these kids that cosleep until 8 or 13? Scary thought there. RIght now today cosleeping is bad for me but ask again tomorrow when I am not sleep deprived from watching late night commercials and most likely it will be all good again. Any advice is welcome.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Random thoughts of the day

Why are there no firefly's in Colorado? When I was a child in Ohio I used to love catching fireflies and put them in glass jars until they die. I dreamt of me and my children running outside chasin them but here where I am at no where to be found. One day I will chase them and hopefully my children don't think I am crazy when I chose too.

Dog's are a lot of work. I love my dogs do not get me wrong. I love the look of love in their eyes and loyalty. I love how they can find such joy as little toys. But cleaning up after them yucky.

Why does time fly when you are having fun? It seems like just yesterday mother in law arrived. Now here on Saturday we will be saying farewell once again. I miss her around but why does time crawl when you are bored and fly when you have fun?

I am in love. As I yelled at Rogelio he looked at me with those deep brown eyes and turned his head. I forgot what I was mad about. I could think of nothing but kissing his luscious lips and crawling in his arms. I am in love or a big softy.

Children are a blessing. When they fight I want to rip out my hair but that one word Mommy can still melt my heart. To get that beautiful picture they drew just for you makes it all worth it. I wish everyone could have the joy of their children.

Life is good. Even when I am down and out. It could always be worse. I could be homeless. I could be dying. I could be....almost anything. But I am happy. Thank god I found happiness in this life even if I am griping about it sometimes.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The last weekend with my lovely Mother In Law

This weekend was wonderful. We went to our local park that has a huge lake in it. I took pictures like crazy as I want my kids to remember this time with their grandma. We played fetch with the dogs in the water and took a quick stroll around this park. I am so glad we shared this time with mom. I know she is happy and I am going to miss her terribly when she goes. I hope we can go to California in a few months and bond more. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

On Sunday we made tamales. We stayed home all day and laughed and laughed. I talked to her about her past. I learned so much this weekend. Who her kids fathers were. How many girls Ro was serious with. How life was in Mexico. I am going to miss her so. I am crying like she died. I already miss her and she is right next to me. I am blessed. I am happy. I am loved. Thank God for my mother in law.

Just one stroll around the park. That is all

I want lay by you in the sea. I wanna stay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.
She looks so pretty in this light.
I can make that shot ma. I can do it.

Ma needed a break.
Reflecting on time to come and time that has passed.
Yes dear?
I wanna swim too!
She sure is my glam girl.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Why am I so teary eyed?

I swear I am not one of those women who cry at a drop at a hat. Every time I look at a wedding picture or invite my heart breaks. Ro and I had a beautiful private wedding. I would never take that back. It was just him, the minister and I. I wore a off white dress I had from graduation and he wore the best clothes he had. We were young and in love and at the time it seemed so right. Now that I am 28 friends of friends are getting married and I see beautiful long white dresses. I see flowers and music and I cannot help but think what if. I was researching chapel information in Vegas to renew our vows and honestly the thought flew threw my head. I pondered it but in reality right now is not the time to renew our vows.

We have been married 9 years and they have been wonderful but I now want to appear to be the blushing bride. I am going nuts. Hopefully next year. We said 5 but things came up now we say 10. Time will tell. I know, I know the most important thing is we are in love and married. I guess every girl has her dream wedding. One day Ro will give me mine.

So that is my sob story today. Enjoy these pics from our wedding.