Monday, November 28, 2011

My grandpa a great man

My grandpa was an incredible man. I loved him more then life myself. Probably why I married a man who is a lot like him. Today my grandpa was buried. My heart has been heavy all day and I finally found the way I wished to tribute him. I bought the biggest reddest heart and I sent it to him in the sky. I also found a church walked inside and said a prayer. My heart is calm now.

I was unable to make it to the funeral but my best friend Carrie went and said my Eulogy. This is what I wrote.

I am sorry I am unable to be in attendance with you all today and know my heart is here and my pain is just the same as yours however. I wanted to say a few things so I pray these words find you all comfort right now.

How does one begin to say Goodbye to somebody they have loved their whole life? How does one say see you later to the only consistent person in their life? How do I sit here and begin to bury a huge piece of my heart? The answer is simple. I don’t. God gives us quests and God blesses us with angels. When that angel’s time on earth is through, he calls them back home. On this Joyous Thanksgiving Day my father figure, my grandfather has been called home. He is now sitting aside our Lord and hugging his first daughter with all the strength in he has lost these past years. He is reunited with all his loved ones that have been lost in the past and have mourned. He no longer feels no pain, no sorrow and is watching us and protecting us from the heavens.

Eugene was an incredible man. He unconditionally loved and protected me for 31 years. He always put others before his own needs. He was an incredible husband, father and all around person. He was the kind of person we should all apsire to be.

As a toddler my first word was Grandpa. My mother Debbie used to tell me a story about when I just barely learned to walk that involved him. She told me I was a little over a year old and I would ask to go visit my grandpa and she would tell me not now. Instead as a stubborn toddler would be I would open the front door and go running while she turned her back. She would always end up finding me a couple houses down nestled in my grandpas arms. I was and still am very much a grandpa's girl. I still remember his incredible humor and his smiling blue eyes. I remember his passion and devotion to his family. I remember that incredible man who encourage me to marry a wonderful man who has become my wonderful husband. I thank him now and I am very blessed to have known him these 31 years as my everything.

If I ever had the chance to see him one time before he passed I would tell him thank you. Thank you for brightening this earth with your smile. Thank you for finding the humor in every situation. Thank you for this unconditional love. My heart will never be the same since you have left this earth grandpa. I know someday this pain will heal. Right now it feels like it never will but I know these years will dull it. I want to sit and cry and think of how I will never have these things but now I realize that is selfish of me. You want to me to remember you for your wonderful accomplishments and all the wonderful memories you created. All the holidays, all the parties and all the love.

My dear friends and family, do not sit here and cry. Rejoice because you knew him. He made us all that much better just because he has touched our lives in one way or another. Find comfort now as we all know he will never feel pain and sorrow again. Grandpa you are the reason I am who I am today and for that I am eternally grateful. You have placed your mark on this world in more way then one.

So how do you say Goodbye to someone who has most of your heart attached? You do not say goodbye my loved ones. You say I will see you soon. I anxiously await our reunion in heaven. Until then I will live your legacy and continue making you proud from the heavens. I will be courageous and go on living. I will be the person you dreamed I would become. I was always perfect in your eyes and believe me that perfection was from your love and encouragement. Thank you Grandpa. I will love you with every beat of my heart for always. Thank you my friends and family for your love and remember he is not gone, he continues in each and everyone of us through his memories and legacy. God bless every one of you.

It is going to be a battle every day now without him but I know he is in a better place. I will continue to prosper and I will continue to make him the proudest granpa he can be. I love you papa always and forever.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of thanks

This morning I woke up with dreams of fried turkey, mashed potatoes, candied yams, pumpkin pie and other goodies. My heart sunk as I got the news I have dreaded but knew would be coming. At 8:50 am this morning my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on. This beautiful 70 degree thanksgiving was ruined. My grandpa Eugene passed away today. My father figure. My best friend. My lifeline is gone. I miss him already so badly. I am not going to be able to make it back home to him unfortunately. I did write an Eulogy and after the funeral I will post it. Today is not a happy day for me right now. My heart aches. I feel so empty and this just totally sucks. Grandpa I love and miss you. Please watch over us from heaven.

Friday, November 18, 2011

A huge gift of love

I am sorry I have not been on here very often. I thought I would just be a volunteer a couple of days a week but I have turned into room mom. I love my kiddos though and cannot complain a bit. My daughter is doing incredible in school. I cannot complain one bit about her learning or teacher. Lil Ro too is doing an amazing job. He is improving every time I see him. He is my lil Miracle child all the way.

Recently I noticed a trend in his favorite books from the school library. He has been bringing home one series nonstop. It is Called Max Goes to the Moon. He brought home this book about 5 0r 6 times in the past 8 weeks. They are educational books that tell of adventures of a child and her best friend her rottweiler Max. I know my boy would love a book of his very own to cherish. I found the authors website, found his email and decided to write him. We have a very low budget for Christmas this year so I asked the author if I could get a book directly from him. I fully expected paying at least cost. Imagine my surprise when just an hour later he wrote me back. He is going to send my boy a copy of the most recent book. I am sure he is even going to autograph it. The best thing is, he is sending it to me at no charge. I really hope my few fans decide to support this author. He did not have to be so caring about my boy. His books are really interesting and made for all children. If you are looking for a good book for your child this year, I really recommend the Max Series. The author is whimsical but educational. You would not regret this purchase one bit. The best part is the author autographs the books himself.

Max Goes to the Moon
Max Goes To Mars
Max Goes to Jupiter

Saturday, September 10, 2011

It never get's any easier even 7 years later

I have sat here for an hour now staring at this blank page. How do I write this blog? Where do I begin? 7 years ago today I was carefree and happy. Rogelio and I had just enjoyed a nice lunch of Golden Corral and rented some movies from Blockbuster. Roana had enjoyed herself thoroughly and we were headed off to the pool for some relaxation. A couple of days before my Ro had lost his job and we left to California for an impromptu visit to his mom and Arizonia to my sister.

The night before my mother had called me. She was very distressed because she barely found out about my trip. She had loaned me 1000 for a car the few weeks before. We argued that night and her call ended with "Call me back when you can respect your mother." I just laughed with Ro and we both agreed I would call her that following evening to give her time to calm down. I never knew or could imagine what would follow that evening.

As I was saying Ro and I came back from a few errands. I saw a few missed calls from my grandparents. I saw a blinking red light staring me in the face. Instantly my heart went there. My grandpa, what was wrong with him. I looked at Ro with terror in my face and picked up the number. My grandma answered and told me tearfully "Susan Honey, I am so sorry. Your mama is gone. She was killed in a car accident." I turned pale and grabbed our kitchen counter. My heart sunk and I was speechless. Tears streamed down my face and I turned to Ro. I went into my bedroom and laid on my bed. Ro picked up the phone from the floor and finished that call. I lay in bed sobbing and my precious 3 year old daughter comes and lays with me. She cries with me and says Mommy what is wrong. I just look at her and cannot speak. She sobs louder and I tell her It is okay honey, but your grandma is dead. I knew her little brain could not comprehend it but I just had to get it out. Those words rang through my head and heart "She is dead. She is gone. She will never be back." 7 years later those words still haunt me.

On September 11th Ro and I loaded into a plane to go be with my family in TN. I swore I would never fly that day. I sat there sobbing into the plane as Ro and I were seperated in AZ for hours. The nice stewardess gave me headphones and food and I finally drifted off into sleep.

A couple of days later in TN we laid my mommy to rest. I knew right there I was laying a peice of me to rest too. At that moment I forgot every bad thing that ever happened and I just wished for another day with her. Everything hit me when we went to the graveyard. I collapsed into my brother in laws arms while Ro went to the bathroom. What a beautiful and sad moment. My mommy was gone forever.

So here I sit 7 years later. One would think the pain would dull after all these years. But here I sit missing her. I am grasping her bear and sobbing into my pillow. My mom never got to meet my son. I strongly believe she sent him to me but she never got to see the joy he brought to my life. My mom never got to see Ro graduate from school. My mom never saw the first day of kinder, I can never ask her how I was. I can never smell her smoke laced hair or hear her raspy voice. I can never experience my mom as she was.

No mother is perfect and I know my children will find things to hate me for someday too. But what would I give to just have one more moment with her.

Debra Sue Ann, 7 years ago you were taken from this world and brought into a perfect one. I cannot even begin to understand why you were taken so early. Maybe God was going to spare you the pain of cancer coming back again. Or maybe just to give your poor heart a rest. You were stronger then any women I knew. You suffered as a child, you suffered as an adult but through it all you loved me unconditionally. I see you in the butterflies. I see you in the clouds. I see you in my children. I see you everywhere. I know now you are sitting in the clouds with your lost sister, my grandma, father and my lost sister. I know you and her are bonding and waiting for us to come. I pray you watch over us and make me the mother you always wanted to be. I miss you mom today and always. I pray I make you proud. I love you and hope you know I am sorry for the way it all ended. You were a good mom. A perfect one? No, but you were mine. RIP Debra Sue Ann 10/9/56 - 09/10/2004 Mother, wife and grandma

Friday, September 9, 2011

School Picture Day

This year is already flying by. Before I know it my boy will be done with Kindergarten. Well today was picture day. We got up bright and early and got both the kids ready. Lil Ro actually let me comb his hair out. They looked cute. In my opinion home pictures look better then lifetouch pictures. I love my pictures. They are not babies anymore. They are my big kids.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Supermom, a daily battle

The day is young, you hear screaming and kicking from my apartment. You hear my son holler, "oh God no. I wanna play outside!" I know you are wondering what in the world is going on. This is my daily battle with homework. While I try and start dinner, I bribe them with out door play yet they refuse to do it. They find excuses, "I am hungry." I am tired, I want a toy. I love you dear children but you have to do homework.

My life is now consisted of four main parts, there is Morning routine. I wake up, get the kids dressed and off to school. We manage to do that without pulling all my hair out.Finally at 7:30 the kids are settled at school eating a good breakfast. By the time 8 am rolls around the kids are settled respectively at their desk and I am walking half a mile home.

The next part of my day consists of cleaning, meal planning and some internet. Okay maybe not in that order and a lot of internet that should read. I get bored around 11 and start counting down the hours until my children come running out the door. At 2:15 I finally get into the mode and go pick up my kids and listen to who did what and who likes who. Amazing what drama goes down in elementary school.

By 3 the meltdown begins, I want to play, I want to eat, I don't want dinner. I am bored. I don't want to read. This is insanity. Sometime between now and 5 I have to get some kind of mush on a plate to call dinner and get all the reading, homework and playtime in. I guess the fact that I present a meal with 2 sides can be considered a miracle.

The last part of my day starts around 5. The door opens and Superman comes home. He is rushed with kisses while I finish sweating over a stove. He gets to hear all the good things that happened and then gets the fun time. I get to do about baths, clean clothes, worrying your abcs, how to write your name and all that other fun stuff. Finally around 8 we wind down. We get baths and one more night time story. Mommy turns on the ocean sounds and we drift off to slumber. Sorry, correct that, they drift off while mommy does dishes, lays out clothes and makes sure all homework is put away.

So who said Stay at home moms eat bon bons all day? This mommy can tell you there is plenty to keep me busy. Honestly, in all I am greatful for my life. I have two kids, a devoted husband and roof over my head. So honestly, when does this homework battle end? I know the reward will be worth it in the end. Seeing the little improvements make these battles worth it. The first R-O-G to start spelling his name. The first 100% spelling test to show she has made strides. These remind me of the sacrifices we have made to make my children the best they can me. I am a stay at home mom with homework issues but I can also underline the title Supermom

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I am fulfilling dreams

Most mommy's when their babies start Kindergarten and Fifth Grade go back to work. I am continuing my journey to improve myself. I have lost 50 pounds. I have set life goals and I have finally written a bucket list. Back in 2003 before my mother passed I remember her telling me "My dream is to come back to Colorado Springs and ride in the balloon classic." That stuck with me. My sister and I even discussed coming back to doing it together. This year I finally got a chance. It was a slim chance. On Qdoba Colorado Springs facebook page I saw a contest. The only catch was to have friends like your comment. Then even then it was not guaranteed. I ended up being in 2nd by likes by almost 20 votes. I kissed my balloon ride goodbye. Friday afternoon they were getting ready to announce the winner. My heart was beating, my eyes were watering. I was ready to say congrats to the winner. I was sitting in my newfound friends house when I checked facebook. Imagine my surprise when they announced "Congrats Susan. We will contact you with details on Monday." I screamed out with joy and ran out the door. I would be fulfilling my mother and I's dream for free like a VIP.

The whole time I was very worried about who would be watching my kids. Thankfully a friend of mine stepped in and watched them for me. After I found a friend to watch the kids my heart started pounding. I knew weather would be a huge factor for me. If the wind was too strong we would not fly. I began stalking the news and weather stations.

Finally after 5 days of anticipation and fear Saturday came. My heart was pounding. I woke up and got dressed. I showed up on the field and was shaking. I met our crew and they all embraced me. I told them my story and the ladies became very tearful. They promised No matter what I would fulfill my mamas dream. Unfortunately on Saturday Mother nature had another plan. The winds were way to dangerous so I would have to come back on Sunday.

Saturday night the kids had their first sleep over with my new friend and her children. Ro and I woke up on Sunday and waited for the stagemaster to hoist a green flag. My friend Cathy on our crew came up and told me "You are going up, it is a go." My heart pounded as I helped pull out my soon to become Beloved Splash. I fluffed her beautiful black and rainbow colored envelope. My heart bang in anticipation as she finally came to an upright. My new friend Tom took me by the shoulder and told me to jump on in. The sky was waiting. Ro followed suit and our journey began.

Slowly the pilot Fred, ascended us into the vast azure sky. We were rising above the tree tops and my breath quickened. Fred has over 30 years experience so I know I am in good capable hands. We flew over the trees, we flew over a golf course, we flew above other balloons. All in all our flight was about 1 hour long. I felt no pressure, no fear only immense joy. My fears were replaced with a new feeling. I was high from natural causes. The sky is now my new happy place. As quickly as it began I hear Fred say "Bend your knees." As quickly as my journey started it came to an end but my head remained over 1000 feet above my current location. The crew showed up at the lot we landed in however it was unaccessable. A lighter female of the crew jumped in and took a quick hop over to a large parking lot. At the parking lot we quickly went to work. We got our beloved Splash! back to her resting place. She was folded and the whole crew declared our flight a success.

Ro and I assumed that this journey was over. We assumed we would be returned to our vehicle and said goodbye. They turned and told us. No now it is our tailgate party. After a 15 minute drive to the point this dream just began, we got out of our chase vehicle. We walked hand in hand just a little awestruck. We sat and ate cheese and crackers. Then imagine our surprise when they called us over. The popped a bottle of champagne and initiated us into the crew. They told us now we are part of the family. I once again became teary eyed for my mama and me and told them they are so much more then a crew. I have included pics of the initiation which included the Balloonist Prayer. Then they presented us with a flight certificate and the empty bottle of champagne with some dirt from our landing site. I could not have asked for a better crew.

My dear friends, this was just a dream this time last year. I know in my heart of hearts something bigger played a hand in this. My original flight was scheduled for my grandpas birthday, just the week before the anniversary of my mamas death. I am here to tell you faith is bigger then just you and I. I can also say, dreams can come true. When you are not even expecting them too. Dreams are not just dreams, they are future reality. You just have to keep faith and stay strong. I know in my heart everyones dreams can come true if you continue to believe. This is nowhere near the end of my journey with Splash! I have made lifetime friends. I miss them already and cannot wait to see them next Balloon Classic. I wish I could surprise them with a visit to Albuequrque. But even if I do not, I know in 2012 I will be welcomed again with open arms. Family is who we make it...all things are possible. I do not want to wake from this dream but I can relive it with pictures and video and in my head. I am so very blessed and I pray everyone gets a chance to do this.
The Crew

The Patty Jewett Golf Course Birds Eye View

Just another lucky soul living the dream

The Balloon Classic From A View Others Rarely See

Three More Dreamers

Ro, Frank Our Pilot, And Me Ready to Launch

Ro and I in front of our Beloved Splash! Before she is inflated fully

Part one of the initiation

You want me to do what?

This is before directions.

Beloved Splash! doing a splash and dash

To Me Splash! Is the most beautiful Balloon in the World

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

My babies are Not Babies Anymore

Today is a big day. Today is the day I have dreaded since the moment that positive pregnancy test showed up with two dark lines. Today was the day both my children was going to be handed over to the world to be taught. No longer were these wonderful little creatures going to be huddled and protected by their mommy tiger. They were going to learn to interact, be disciplined and deal with consequences. They are going to learn that every action they have will have either a positive or negative consequence with their lives. Today my babies are both children. My son a kindergartner just beginning his school career and my daughter the fifth grader is going to be top dog.

The day started out as any other day. We woke up and walked over to our closets. My daughter wore a cute little outfit of a striped shirt, cami and a new pair of jeans while my son layered a plain polo with a checkered shirt and jeans. Both my babies looked so big as they heaved their backpacks over their shoulders. I followed them closely as they held hands. I smiled at them both even if I felt like I wanted to throw up. No longer could I protect him. He was going to have another female influence in his life. Ro grabbed my hand and reassured me that it was going to be okay. Kindergarten assessment made my heart scream it is too early. He is not ready. However, my brain told me "Mama it is time to let go."

The children have breakfast at school since it is cheaper for them to eat there then it is for me to cook. I helped lil Ro pay for his breakfast and lunch. He came to the table and ate eagerly with his sister. I walked out the gym and stood in the hall fighting back choking tears. Ro just grabbed my shoulder and squeezed them. I knew he would be okay. He had to be.

Soon the bell rang for morning recess. A large group of kindergarten mommies and I walked out to the primary playground. Lil Ro did not hesitate one time. He ran to a spring horse and started talking. He is my social butterfly you know. He played his heart out and I just stood there staring feeling as though a arm or leg had been removed. How am I going to survive without my baby? How will I get through the days?

After 15 minutes of morning recess the bell rang once again. Now the kids needed some direction. We helped them on with backpacks and walked towards our doors. You could tell us kindergarten mommies were stressed. We all wandered around like lost puppies but were putting up a front of smiles. I snapped a couple of group photos. I got one of him while walking out the door. He looked at me like I was supposed to stay. But a clean break was easiest.

Ro tried his best to keep me busy. It was very hard. I missed my son. I missed my shadow. But thankfully the day passed by very quickly and soon it was time to pick him up. He had a wonderful day and came out running to my arms. Thankfully he is enjoying school and I know in time I will learn to enjoy my free time. We take 5 years to mold our beautiful children and then at 5 we have to let them go. They have to develop into their own people and make their own decisions. Then our job is to worry and pray they do their best. That is all I ask of my children to do their best and they will make me proud.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Just a fun Summer of Swimming

This summer has been an adventure of zoo, parks, dentists and even amusements parks but our favorite part has been the pool. It's free, fun and keeps us entertained for hours. Someday's I complain about everything and everyone but it could be worse. We have our health, we have been blessed but most of all we have each other. No big vacations but I pray this is the year we cherish most.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Almost back to perfect!

Today was a great day. As of today my daughter is almost back to perfection. You tell me? Did the doctor do a good job?

And let me say, THANK GOD FOR DENTAL INSURANCE! Yes that is capitalized. Because this only cost me $34 and that was with a cleaning and flouride. Without we would have went broke. My beautiful princess is looking awesome again.

As a reward we went to Uncle Wilbers park to play in the fountain and the kids had a blast. I just have to remember, it is only money and things could be so much worse. I am so very blessed. After looking at those beautiful smiles who can disagree with me?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Sigh, my beautiful girls smile!

Oh my goodness! I just want to cry. As of today I have dealt with broken arms, bronchitis and even an occasional flu. But today is the day I prayed I would never have to do. Today on this very rainy day my daughter fell on the slide and broke her tooth straight down the middle. I am so angry with her and so scared. My poor baby is a snaggletooth! She no longer has the perfect smile. How am I going to fix this? Thank goodness for dental insurance. We have an appointment on Thursday. Hopefully, it looks just as good as before or I will be heartbroken. Not a boring day at all.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Where the Wild Things Are

One of my favorite things to do is the zoo. What is even better when I can go to the zoo for free. Things are very tight and our local moms club sponsored a day there and all we had to do was sit through an 30 minute presentation for a full day of fun. I met up with a lady I have known for 4 years online but never really got the chance to meet in person. She had to leave early but we had a blast spending all day there. We slept good that night. Cheyenne Mountain Zoo where we meet the wild!