A look into the Real Me...

Most of you guys know me as mommy or wife to Ro. But today I am going to give you the story to who I am and what made me who I am. I was born in 1980 to a wonderful couple named Debra and Stephen. I was the first grandchild and their firstborn in all ways I was the golden child. On my first birthday my parents conceived my sister and life from there was never the same. She was supposed to be the boy so I was pushed away for a little while and I was a little resentful I suppose what kid would not be. My grandparents however embraced me and loved me like I was the best thing since sliced bread. To make a long story short my sister was born and life went on.

My parents bought a house on Princeton and everything was supposed to be great. My mom took a night shift at the hospital so we could afford the mortgage. I remember walking over there with my smurf clutched in my arms so excited to have a backyard. This house would be the house to make or break me.

The years passed on and my parents marriage suffered. My mother became more and more frusturated with us girls. Her patience wore thin as her marriage suffered and she became very abusive. My memories unfortunately are mostly of her telling me to be a real woman and hit her back. I had many black eyes and many shed tears. Worst of all my dad would do nothing.

As I grew older I learned the best solution was to stay away from home. Find whatever activity I could become involved in and join. I had to balance school, home and relationships. I remember walking home a mile each way just so I could be in a club that would give me some sanity. I had infatuation with authority figures in my life and eventually i finally found a healthy relationship.

I was 12 years old. I met a neighbor boy and he would be my first real boyfriend. He was a good kid but it was not meant to be. We had to move my parents lost their house. We moved into a townhome and my sister and I had to share a room. It was very depressing. I honestly remember struggling for my life. I had an addiction to pain relievers if you could believe that. I took a bottle of tylenol in less then 2 weeks. I also became a religious fanatic. I was obsessed with weight loss.

In 1998 I graduated. My life turned around when I signed up for webtv. I met a wonderful man and my parents finally started to lighten up. My dad smacked me against a wall one night when I had talked to Ro for a 500 phone bill. I was fed up. That summer I had worked at a summer camp. I saved all my money for college payments. That night after talking to my love I decided to come see what a normal woman would do. I bought a plane ticket to Colorado and met my love.

December that year I hopped on a plane. I got off and looked in his eyes and honestly I never looked back. He has completed me and has helped me overcome all these hurdles. He is my life and I would not trade him for anything. My children will NEVER suffer any of this. I will turn myself into the authorities before my babies suffer. With Ro by my side I will survive. So ladies noone is perfect and no life is perfect. Now you all know just a little bit more about me.

Time to Move On

So I am coming to peace with a few things right now and I am going to only look forward. 2008 is supposed to be the year of new starts for me. Here is my thing. Yesterday Rogelio and I had a long talk. We both long for bigger and better things. I really really want to become a social worker but here in the Springs there is not much to be done and I am stuck in a rut. My hubby wants to become an engineer and a guy at his work has taken him under his wing. So I think it is coming down to what it has been coming down to for the last 9 years. We are seriously thinking of leaving Colorado. I long for sandy beaches and for fresh fruit year round. I long for the mountains and a yard for my children to play in. I long for family who stands by me thick and thin. I long for my home, my place I can finally become all I can be. Yea I know it sounds dumb. I am going to be 28 and I am thinking of just leaving all this behind. But with most of the stuff we are going through really there is not much to leave behind. I long to go to California. I long to be with my in laws. I long for undeniable support...maybe then I wouldnt hold onto a dream of perfection in this world.

My children are making me so proud. Roana is trying her best to tolerate her brother but honestly at 2 he is a royal terror. We went to a segunda and I scored her & him some very nice clothing. I also picked up my son a barbie guitar but he loves it. I then went to kmart and scored BIG. I got 7 plug ins, 1 hairbrush set and a flat iron for the whopping amount of 6.45! I love bargain hunting and I love the fact my dd helps find bargains with me. LoL

She is doing so good in school. I told her today baby you are smart dont listen to idiots. Yes people in the past have put her down because she has been silent but this year she blossomed from a bud to a beautiful flower. She makes me so proud and I have to remind myself that I need to tell her.

Rogelito is growing so fast. I am a terrible mommy with him. He still had bottles. But tonight I said enough is enough. I bought 6 sippys and dh and I agree that he can have 1 at night till 2. He did really good. He cracks me up. He says "Tanks." and he is a big boy that doesnt want to be carried around. Today he even picked out his own outfit. Where did my precious baby go? Why do they have to grow so fast?

That leads me to baby fever. I think I want another baby. I am terrified about it but I think one more baby would be it. I envision myself with a child end of this year or next depending what happens with this move. I am ready to complete my family and that unborn child holds my heart strings. Sounds crazy I know but I know up above that baby child is waiting to be sent and says God she will be my mom. She is not perfect but you know she is mine. I will have to seriously talk to Ro cause as I have said before my iud would be an issue for now. (But I have a friend who got pregnant on one) LoL

Well that is what is going on with me right now. My hopes and dreams. I hope you all enjoy. Ro and I are good thanks for looking. Good night and God Bless!

My poor buckeyes

They got creamed. I can understand now how the cub fans feel every year that they just make it. Two years in a row. Very embarassing. I even took some tylonel but forget it was pm so I did not make it to second half. Oh well there is always next year right?

We got more snow tonight. I can see myself here for life sometimes but I guess sometimes you have to move on to be better for family. We will see how the cards fall in the next months. 2008 is going to be a big year mark my words.

Roana is going to school tomorrow. I cannot wait. Just mommy and bubba time...I will keep everyone in the loop. Sorry so short. Just a little down today...hugs to all.