Back to Reality

I am back to blogging again. Spring break is officially over and I have some down time at night. Today Roana returned to school and I was very ready. My poor apartment looks like a tornado struck it and my brain feels like mush. I am doing pretty good.

My sister called me on Friday. She told my paternal grandfather is in the hospital. He was not supposed to last 4 hours but noone called to tell me anything happened to him so I suppose he is still hanging on. I did not really have a relationship with him so I am not going to pretend to now that he is passing on. I am not two faced and do not plan to become that way.

I am still very excited about the baseball game. I cannot wait to hear the fans calling out. Smell the fresh popped popcorn. Listen to the crack of the ball and bat and see these people who will inspire my son even more.

I am enjoying my life right now. It is simple and yes I am still counting the days until graduation but it is my life and it will not always be this way. I am grateful for the small things in life right now. The sound of my hubby practicing ukulele. The soft smile on his lips. His butterfly kisses, Time passes us too fast. I cannot hold on to the ugly. I love this man with my whole heart always.

Planning My Son's 3rd Birthday Celebration

We do not have many IRL friends or at least ones that would be interested in a 3 year olds party. After the basketball game Ro begged me to go to a Nuggets game with him. I do not want to go through that with him. I do not want to jump in the water again so I did some research on sporting events here in Colorado. I was looking at package deals for the Rockies. I saw an awesome one. It is for April 24th and it is a great team we can see. It is the LA Dodgers. I cannot wait to see Manny again. The best part is we are sitting right above his position. I am in row 9. I told Ro I am so going to go down there and scream at him "Eh Manny. Es el cumpleanos de mi nino. Por favor firma un beisbol por el. Gracias amigo." Ro laughs and says he just may do it if I scream in spanish. We adore him. My son adores baseball so it is perfect being just 2 days after his birthday. The best part was the price.

We got 4 seats, 4 hot dogs, 4 sodas, 1 parking pass and a program for 60.00! I am so excited. I even bid on a Helton Jersey for my baby. He is going to look so cute. Now thinking about it I should have gotten a Dodgers one but when in Rome do as the Romans do. LoL

I am counting down. I cannot believe my baby is going to be three. Only 25 days until our celebration!

A lesson Learned the hard way

I was not going to blog about this but someday I want to look back on this day and reflect the lesson I have learned.

This weekend was going to be a hard weekend. I could pretend it was not going to happen but it was inevitable. My love was going to Denver to hang at a Nuggets game with his compadres. I was reluctant to let him go but he needs some free time as a man and I need some personal mom time. Plus the seats were incredible and at a good price.

My hubby left the house at 300 to meet his friends at a designated meeting spot. I really did not care at all. I walked to Target and bought the kids some shoes and a juicer plus some snacks. I then came home and picked up the remote. I tuned into the nuggets game and dvred it so we could dvd it later.

The game ended around 945. I was stoked my husband would most likely be home by midnight. I took a shower and got all gussied up. I walked in the front room to blog and checked my email. It was there....the dreaded email. "Baby the guys I came with want to hang out a little longer...a couple of hours? I will keep you updated."

I became upset because he promised he was leaving straight after the game. I know it was out of his control but I knew in my heart of hearts this would happen. I emailed him back sobbing how unfair it was for me to be stuck with the kids until whatever hour. I told him to answer the email and tell me how long.

After many hours worrying and many lost tears my husband finally came home at 4 am. I was livid and gave him the silent treatment. We talked for almost an hour and came to a couple of conclusions.



1. It was his fault for not driving himself.

2. I was justified being upset

3. I was not justified for blaming him

4. He was truly sorry.



We are learning from this experience. When he goes out again he will not rely on anyone for
his ride home in the future. I also will be patient and remember he is not intentionally hurting me. I also realized I need to take time for myself or I am going to go mad. Life is too short to always be on the defense. My husband is loyal and after this post I am going to pretend this day never happened. He wants it that way and I concur. We will continue to thrive in our marriage and learn from our little mistakes. We are human and we will make sure we are more considerate of each other.

Day 4 Last day of Staycation

Today is our last day of Staycation. I do not want it to end. Yes, it was not all candy and crazy but I am going to miss having my husband home. I know he will have a great week at work though. Today we drove over to check out a resturaunt for a friend of ours. Unfortunately the space was already taken but while we were there we saw a pizza hut. Being about a 20 minute drive from home my sweet husband decided I have been craving it so he treated me. We had a grand old time and I was very happy.

Later on we went to another kmart and got lil Ro and Roana a new pair of clothes and shoes. Today was my Roana's first dentist appointment. I was more nervous then she was. The dentist did her xray's and then called me into the room. He asked me if I was sure this was her first appointment to the dentist. He informed me she had very good teeth and was impressed. It seems as though she is doing a great job by herself. I am very happy. She will have sealants applied to her teeth next month.

So this was the end of our staycation. Very humble but very nice. I hope Ro and I get to do this again very soon.

Day 3 Staycation

It snowed this morning. I am so glad. This dryness is killing our beautiful landscapes. I miss seeing the pretty green grass and the pretty green trees. I love seeing the mountain topped with snow. Ro took me out to lunch for my birthday today. We had chinese. Yes I am breaking my diet like crazy this week but staycation only happens once a couple of months.

We then came home and played the wii. It was a very easy day and today I finally uploaded the pics from the park. Not too many events but it is nice to enjoy being family. And even nicer to have no real plans.

Day 2 staycation

It is Sunday. We need to go the park and grill today as tomorrow there is supposed to be snow and that is unacceptable. I ran to the star and grabbed a bag of charcoal and a spatula. I cannot wait to grill. I love being outside feeling the heat beat down on my skin and smelling the aroma of hotdogs, hamburgers and chicken cooked over fire. The kids climbed on the rocks and I sat and made everyones plates. These hamburgers where the best ones ever I can say. I prepped everything the night before and had it all packed in a cooler.

I watched Ro play with the kids and watched them disappear in the wilderness. I was afraid to leave our food behind as bikers and dogs frequently pass and I would cry if our chicken disappeared. I loved that time together as we relaxed and played. I even got a little sunburn. The best was all the leftovers that will last us until tomorrow evening at least.

I am enjoying my staycation so far. I actually dread the day it ends. I have loaded a few pictures. Still learning how to load from this laptop

Day 1 of Staycation

Today was a good day more or less. We had to go help our friend at her resturaunt and it was kind of hot. LoL I ate so good. I had a fish burrito and I took the kids to KMart. I bought my Lil Ro a pair of jeans and two tshirts. One said in spanish "Soy guapo y intelligente como papa." I am handsome and intelligent like my dad. Then a cars one. Somewhere down the line in the last 3 days we have become car addicts.

After that we came home and just relaxed. We need some family time together and just need to chill.

A Staycation

Yes I am so excited. Ro got the time approved off so we are going to do a staycation here at home. 3 days off. We have done the zoo before, we have done pikes peak. Maybe we can drive to 11 mile and have a picnic! I am so excited. Wish us luck we will need it.

I am very proud to announce that it is official. I have lost 22 pounds. When I started this Journey I was 247. I am now down to 225! I hope I can continue to live healthy. I am so happy with the way I feel right now. I am healthier mentally and physically. My family is more cheerful and we are all a better family because of it.

We are doing good. So if you all do not hear from me in a couple of days. I will post pictures when I get back. Hugs to all. Today is early release so I will probably not post again tonight.

Gonna Party like it's my Birthday!

At 1:24 am, I officially blessed this world with my presence 29 years ago. The doctors even said I was a beautiful blessing. Well I lied about the second part of course. LoL My mother wanted to name me Patricia Opal Ryan. Imagine a little red head child born on St. Patricks Day with that name. I am so grateful my great grandma Seagraves told me to name me Susan after my mom and Marie after my grandma Vera. Thank you for that blessing great grandma may your rest in peace.

Today was my day. I was supposed to do and make whatever I wanted. However since my diet restricts my strongest cravings of comfort food (haystacks (aka fritos, ground beef, beans, cheese, lettuce, tomato & sour cream), pizza, lasagna & pasta sala) I had to weigh my other options. I decided darn it I am going to eat something I enjoy. I made a big pot of menudo. Then looking in the fridge staring back at me was half a burrito of chicken. I popped that baby in the microwave and started drooling. Then I heard a pop. What the hell I wondered as I went to the microwave. Apparently Ro & I's first microwave ever decided to bite the dust as the burrito was still freezing after 3 minutes cooking. So I called Ro and he brought home a new one. LoL

I got a couple of cards in the mail for my birthday and these made me smile big time. Then all my wonderful friends on facebook and myspace left me comments and everyone made me smile. I actually feel like people really do notice me and I do make a difference and that is huge to me. I feel like my mom did do a beautiful thing for the world when she gave me life. Thank you mom for that.

Speaking of her, I miss her a lot today. She used to call me every year and sing happy birthday to me on the phone at the exact moment I was born. I used to think this was a pain in the rear and now I would give anything to hear her voice just one more time. I miss her advice but today is about me. About celebrating my life.

I did not get any major gifts this year. My Ro blessed me with this wonderful laptop so I did not expect anything more. Then he softmodded our wii so I can make backups of my games so the kids dont destroy the originals. He is taking Friday off so he says so we can celebrate properly. I am so glad we have celebrated all these birthdays togeth as a couple and now as a family with my beautiful children. They are the sweetest. They hug me and act as my birthday is still a child's day. Roana gave me a penny and told me mom treat yourself to whatever you want. Then she is begging me in Target to buy me something. Thinking of it gives me tears. Then Lil Ro has been giving me besitos all night long. I am blessed in many ways. I just have to focus on them

Back to Reality

Monday's are always very stinky to me. I went to Walmart and bought a couple of groceries. I walked 5 miles total in 2.5 hours. Pushing the stroller uphill. I bought wild rice and a can of fat free ravioli. It was not too bad actually. Then when Ro got home I attempted my fist time making fresh tuna. I was not sure how to prepare it so I ended up marinating it in a little olive oil, balsamic vinagar, lemon juice and some spices. I then cooked it in the oven at 450 for 10 minutes. I guess we like our fish a little more cooked as noone really ate that much. But I tried at least. Maybe in a couple of weeks I will try again.

Tomorrow is my big 29. It is officially my last year in my twenties. I am torn I am a little sad. Is it fair that in my short life I have experienced the loss of my mother and father? Is it fair that some of my family still acts as I do not exist? Is it fair that over half of my life I was an abused child? All I can do is learn from these experiences. I can grow and make sure my children will not have these memories of me. I will make sure their life is as great as possible. I know 20 is the new 20 but I still wish I could have been a better person. Done a little more. I have one year left until 30.

Honestly my life is pretty darn great. I have a handsome husband. Semi sweet kids and two dogs. I have a roof over my head. Great friends and food on the table at night. My husband has a great job and is persuing a career with a lot of help from it. I cannot complain. Many people would love to be as blessed as I am. I am going to focus on the positive and not negative. Positivity brings positive changes....you know the whole Karma thing. I strongly believe in it.

It is a lovely Sunday. Wish it wouldn't be Monday

Woke up agian this morning at 1030 this morning. I am going to hate waking up tomorrow at 6:30 again. Today we awoke this morning and we had cereal for breakfast. I was stoked back on our diet or so I thought. We drove the dogs and the kids to a park to have a picnic. We decided to have subway since that fills us up until dinner. I grabbed my favorite sandwich "A Subway Club" and Ro had a teriyaki chicken. I love subway and it is not too fattening.

I was mad at the dog because he chewed our backseat in the wagon so I told Ro we would not play with him now. Instead we got in the car and drove to Costco to return a game and then the bank to do a deposit in our account. Roana gave me her puppy dog eyes and told me Mommy we did not get to play. So off we went to a park closer to home and played for an hour. The kids were beat and we headed off home to relax and spend our day peacefully.

The kids and I played Paper Mario and daddy took a nap. Then we went to our local taco shop for some dinner. I ruined my diet there by eating a carne asada chimichanga with salsa guacamole and cheese. I can get back on it tomorrow. I just need to focus on it more.

I am just living day by day trying to get by. I am trying to stay positive and enjoy my life as a mom of 2 and a wife of one. To be happy is pure joy and right now I am experiencing it. I have pictures but I have not uploaded them to my computer. I will do it later on Tuesday Night when the kids are asleep

A wonderful Saturday

We woke up today at 10 am. That rarely happens anymore. But apparently our bodies needed that extra sleep and needed it bad. I got the kids dressed and had no clue what our day included. Ro finally got ready and we headed out to the resturaunt for our weekly binging. Honestly I was a little depressed because this morning when I woke up the scale read one pound higher. But I guess doing weekly weigh ins that can happen when you do them instead of monthly.

We walked into our favorite Asian buffet. The smells wafted through the air and perked up my taste buds. I instantly grabbed Lil Ro his plate and we went to work. I had wontons & korean chicken and mongolian pork. Then skipped the rice and lo mein. I grabbed some wasabi & pickled ginger and went to the sushi bar. I loaded my plate with California Rolls and some kind of crab sushi. I was in bliss as each flavor tickled my taste buds. When I was full I took the kids to the waiting area.

After playing with the quarter machines we grabbed our goods and settled on a bench. The kids where happy with the finds they got and Ro exited the resturaunt and said "Ok lets go for a cruise now".

I was so excited to get out of town for a little while. We drove about a mile and he entered the freeway. Where are we going babe I asked with anticipation. He smiled and said lets go relive some memories.

We drove about 45 minutes and landed in denver. I was so excited as we drove past our first apartments and hey were still standing. I was heartbroken as I realized that the drive in by them however was a condo complex now. We drove down by Lakewood and up to downtown. Why is there all this traffic we pondered as we entered the skyscraper streets. I saw a rush of people dressed in green and it explained it all. Saint Patricks day Parade Denver. Wacky times for all. We continued living all the memories in Denver and drove back home.

I was wiped out but very content. My husband took me for a ride and not one argument if you could imagine that. It is almost 10 years ago since we lived there the first time but it still seems like just yesterday. I forgot my camera at home so no pictures today. My life is improving and I am maturing. Life is great and I am so blessed.

Almost there

So my husband is being very sweet today. He woke up and made his breakfast. Then he shook me and told me. Honey I will take Roana to school. He kissed my forehead and closed the door. They went to school and Lil Ro and I slept until 945. Amazingly when I awoke my throat had cleared up a little bit and my body did not ache. I am almost 100 percent again. Woo Hoo!

My daughter is so damn smart. I am very proud of her lately. She told me " I am never having kids. It hurts to have them." I have no clue who told her that. She also aced her reading test on Tuesday. She got a 100 % and she is truly excited to prove that she can learn too.

Hubby is doing awesome in school. He is taking a midterm tomorrow and I cannot believe the second semester is already halfway over. Yes this class goes fast but I am so excited. 13 months until we get his diploma. His financial aide came through thank Goodness and we are set now. I am so blessed.

One of my best friends buried her grandpa today. My heart is breaking for her and I fear the day this happens to me. I already know when it happens I will have no words and I will be a mess for years to come. They are all I have left in this crazy world besides my husband. Our relationship is improving too and I am very happy with him. I feel so much secure with him now and all it took was a slap to the face from that board who I thought hurt me so much.

I am taking babysteps

I am really doing bad at this blogging thing right now. I do not know what to blog about lately. I do not want to bore anyone by being repetitive. Tonight was a crazy evening. Ro had a field trip to Manitou Cliff House to study angles and things. He then came home and informed me that he had went with a couple of classmates to a bar. I was shocked and asked him ok so what did you drink? He told me coffee. I was not born yesterday most bars do not serve coffee and he does not even drink it. I asked him again and pleaded him not to lie to me as that is what angers me most. Finally he admitted he had a beer with them. I held my breath and told him he should not have drank alcohol. Then he wanted nookie but I walked away to comfort myself with some chocolate ice cream. We sat on the couch and I let it die. I did not bring it up again. I told him I was disappointed but thanked him for telling him the truth. I then curled on his chest and watched a little tv. So hurray for me I really avoided the confrontation. I am learning to pick my battles and if I am on him like a pit bull he will only lie and I will push him away.

I am still a little sick. I am sleeping it off right now. I am so ready for the weekend and it's only Tuesday.

I am sick

Ok so this morning I woke up sick as a dog. My body aches. My head hurts. My throat is on fire. A family that shares the flu sticks together I guess.

My grandma is out of the retirement home now and back at home. She is not driving but from what I hear she is doing well. I am going to talk to her once my voice is back. I am sleeping alot right now which tells me my body is trying to heal.

My nephew that I met when he was 5 turned 16 yesterday. I cannot believe how much he has grown. He made me cry when we first met because the told me I was fat and Ro's last girlfriend was not. LoL Now I laugh at that statement and remind him daily. I am very proud of him. He is growing into a handsome young man.

I have recently connected with my high school friends. It is lovely. I cannot believe how quickly we picked up like it was yesterday. I have missed them. I am a little disappointed however that my "best friend" has no real interest in reconnecting. Life is busy I suppose.

I am very happy right now in my life. Right now I feel sick but I will get over it and be happy again any day now.

So I was naughty

No I did not do anything to hurt anyone but myself. I decided I would have an Manzanita Sol yesterday and honestly lately when I eat out it is either iced tea or A very icy sprite. I woke up this morning feeling like a truck hit me. I tried the normal means to comfort myself. Laying on my stomach and drinking water. Nothing helped whatsoever. It figures. I am out of Sal De Uvas. I had to run to target to find some relief. Unfortunately noone had freaking sal de uvas so I settled with some suppositories and maalox. It helped me tremondously. Lesson learned. No soda for this mama anymore.

I am so sorry I have not posted pictures lately. My laptop does not have an sd card so its a pain to post here then also My son does not permit computer time like that. Even right now he is screaming at me. Ro may have a 3 day weekend this weekend so we are planning a staycation. We will see. Hope you all have blessed evening.

An awesome weekend

Yes on Saturday Big Ro woke up sick. We still went to our favorite buffett for dinner. I love chinese and this diet is making me love the food more if that is even possible. I am craving a pizza so badly right now but I will wait until next week. Only 9 days until I turn 29. I just know this birthday is going to be so lonely. Ro will be at work and school and Roana will be at school. I am thinking of treating myself to a filet o fish sandwich for lunch. Oh well back to the weekend.

We watched Unborn. I called what was happening at the beginning. I told him and he said did you watch it. I just knew it. I would not recommend this movie to anyone. Ok maybe dvd. I just expected it to be scarier.

Sunday we went to a birthday party for a good friends son. I went to toys r us. I got him a Wonderpet, Cars Lego Set and a car for 5.00! We had cake and ceviche and we had a great time. I am now motivated to have parties for these kids somehow someway...I could order 10 pizzas a cake and a few party favors and have memories for these kids for years to come.

So it was a quick weekend. Now that is warming up around here I am going to start taking new pictures. Promise. I have to get back into good mommy mode.

A few good moments of today

I got my whole apartment cleaned. It took me almost 4 hours but it is done. I love the smell of a clean floor and carpets. I know it will be that way for a couple of days and then I am back at square one again. But right now I am relishing my victory.

I have met a wonderful lady through my husbands work. She is a sweet young lady and I already feel like I can trust her. She tells me I am a good woman and it makes me feel really nice that someone in real life can justify my online friends thoughts.

Oh I have some news for you guys. We are definately going to have another baby. No not right now obviously as the timing is bad right now. But I am getting down to a healthier weight and Ro is going to have a new job so I am aiming for concieving in the beginning of 2010. My gift this year to myself will be an iud removal! I have names picked out. Ro does not like the middle names but well I give birth and he has no choice. LOL The names I have picked are Rodrigo Eugene for a boy Or for a girl Rosalyn Imogene. I am excited about this as I know this baby will most likely be our last. This will be our first planned pregnancy but will not be loved more then my other kids.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I feel thinner but I do not know. Could be my weight shifting. I will keep you updated. I am taking green tea slim and it is helping my diet. So here is a list of my pills right now.

Vitamin B Complex
Fish Oil Omega 13
Green Tea Slim (Chromium, Apple Cider Vinegar & Green Tea extract)

I am well on my way to a happier and healthier me.

I am slacking here lately

My life feels so repetitive right now. Wake up, clean, cook, sleep. I am broke my diet bad today and I feel like crap. Chili cheese dogs are not health food and my stomach is reminding me that right now. LoL

The kids are doing well. Lil Ro is breaking my heart all weekend he wanted nothing to do with me. He called for his daddy. Would not let me touch his car seat or anything of his. He only wanted to eat with his daddy. It is like on the weekends I am just a fixture. Unless it is death I can forget about it.

I had a headache off and on today. I slept most of it off. I cannot wait until spring break so we can all rest together. I need a mommy break.

I have to clean my apartment top to bottom tomorrow for inspection. Wish me luck. So it is slow. Life is good. I am just here and dont want to post boring repetive things.

A happier Healthier Us

Yesterday was our free day on our diet. So off we went to enjoy our Chinese food. It was delicious. I love the Koren chicken, lo mein, sushi & hot & sour soup. I was in pure heaven. Then for dinner we had sonic. I know naughty naughty but Bill Phillips says enjoy your free day to the max cause rest of the days are serious business.

We went to Costco today and planned alot of our meals. I love being more organized and setting a better example for my children. I feel like I am a new person. I feel happy for most part and I also feel so much healthier. No the weight is not dropping off yet but I feel like my body is thanking me. LoL We bought Boca Burgers, mutigrain bread, turkey meat , whole grain pasta and some mixed veggies. I also had to buy dog food but that too is healthier there. Our whole family is eating better now. Not as much junk. I think I may start looking into organic....maybe not. I do not know if I could handle the sticker shock.

This coming week is supposed to be beautiful. I am going to clean my apartment. Take the kids and play our brains out. Maybe even play with the dogs. I love my new life. I do not see my husband as much but 12 months more and he will be here. We will all be a better person too. I am glad we live and learn. 2009 is going to be a great year.