Hello Out there

Life is great. I am in a better mood and I am sleeping well. There is some drama going on but not enough to make me miserable. So now I have seen my blog is taking off. Why don't you all stop and say hi? Leave a name and I will be happy to say hello to each one of you...have a great day

A thin Line betweent love and hate?

I have always heard this expression but lately I am beginning to understand it. For example my dh and I always have little arguments but today I really felt like banging his head against the wall. A couple of days ago he asked me to use any resource to get our friends deposit money back. I posted a complaint to the BBB and then I proceeded to go to ripoff reports and file a complaint there too. Well he had me file these without the knowlege of our friend. So now I am in a flurry trying to cancel them both. It stinks though as I was up several hours trying to do these. I told him then I am tired of his treatment towards me. I deserve respect. When I decided to stay home with the kids did not give him a free pass to sit on his butt all day and act like a child himself. I know tomorrow I will love him again but tonight I am sickened by his behaviour.

Then don't get me started on my sister. She is a piece of work. Yea so what my kid is overweight and so what they are not always 100% clean. They are kids let them be. Then honestly ladies in my past I was arrested for domestic violence. I never told you guys that. So was my dh. We went to our classes and have learned to manage our anger. It was the most humbling time of both our lives. Well her husband is now saying I am not a true parent. So you know what ladies I lost it. I completely lost it. I posted this blog on myspace...

A marriage of convenience?
Current mood: devious
Category: Life


Some people say I am in a marriage of convenience. I am proud to say this is a Bold Faced Lie!!!!!! Rogelio and I proudly state we met online. We are not ashamed! Granted we were never traditionally engaged (if you call engagement losing your virginity in your husbands childhood room) or that we did not have a drama filled wedding (but yea we love our drama filled myspace). We chose to be together. We never played make believe running around making kissy faces at each other. We did not Force each other to stay together because he took care of me when my parents would not! We have met in the middle and we are soul mates. Unlike some other posers (especially one who according to his Wife wanted to get up close and personal with a Man's chorizo (sausage for nonspanish speakers)). I can also say my husband has Only slept with me in every aspect of the word (he NEVER slept with another Woman in a hotel room and ignored my calls). I can Trust my husband as he has never signed up with a dating (well sex finder) service such as adult finders. I am sorry no matter what that is not game. Try to earn the trust back it will never happen.

If it is a crime to be happily married with two children I enjoy on a daily basis then I am guilty and would not want it any other way. These beautiful healthy children that will never know the word "step parent"or will have to worry about choosing between mommy or daddy. That is what being A Parent is truly about. We are the typical marriage and I will shove it in your face (I quit caring a long time ago what you think).

So you hate me now...wow strong word for a Pansy who can't even stand up to her husband. What goes around comes around! Karma is a witch.

Its snowing here right now, and we wanted to take our kids to see the elephants play in the snow, but I don't think we have to go to see them, I can just log in here... Thanks you guys, you saved me the admission...

Don't play with fire or I will burn you back. Burn Baby Burn! Flame on...back to your regularly scheduled programs...

Yea it was a little harsh but you know my heart hurt and like an animal being attacked I had to lash out. My life is different now. you cant say something bad without expecting to get a little repercustions. I don't know. Maybe I am just becoming a mean person.

Sometimes ladies let me be honest with you. Cause I know here I will not be judged or yelled at. I sometimes wish I could just disappear...not die or anything but fade away. My children are not good enough and I am not good enough. I can't do anything right and the only time I am needed is when someone else cant do it. I feel like a ghost sometimes. I feel very empty and unfullfilled. I don't know maybe its because all the ties to my family are gone but honestly I dont want them back. Who knows maybe post partum depression happens almost 2 years later. I try to look at the bright side but I think sometimes it is inevitable.

Please don't worry about me. I hope this is only temporary. Its days like this I really miss my mom. The only one who could truly comprehend what I am going through. I sometimes talk to her in my head and then usually that night something strange happens around me. Lets see if she visits tonight. I hope I can break this funk and that I finally get the kudos I deserve. Life is too short. Its time I live it.

I have now crossed that line between love and hate...I think I have to hate myself enough to love myself.

Today Is A New Day

Today I am going to take time to focus on the positive. I am going to write about beauty. I have found great friends online and I want to take the time to appreciate them all.

Anelys: You are very sweet and one of my best friends. I don't know what I did right to get you into my life but I am very fortunate to have found you. Thanks for being like a sister to me when my real one turned me away.

Kelly: You are a very strong woman. You are a great mother and an inspiration to me. You think almost everything through before it happens but also are not afraid to put your foot down. You came out on vacation and did not hesistate to stay when love smacked you down. Even if you did not know what was going to happen. You inspire me so much. I would love to be half the woman you are one day.

Danielle: You are a great mami and deserve the uttermost credit. I pray one day we can meet soon.

Samy: You also inspire me. You knew things were wrong and decided to stand up for your children your strength helps show me I can pull it off too.

Nicole: You are awesome woman. You make me cheer for you when good things happen and cry when bad things too. You are a great mom and I know your daughter will thank you one day.

Jennifer: You help make it easier to face the day without my dh. You show me that love is all you need and distance is nothing when you are truly in love. You are a true inspiration.

Erica: You have gone through alot of trials with your df. But I am so glad to have met you. You are strong and beautiful. You make me smile and I am glad I can call you friend.

Meghan: You are so sweet and make me laugh. I know I can relate to you in all aspects. I know you are a great mom and wife and I inspire to be like you too.

Heather: Girl you have travelled the world. You have moved from place to place to see Ze succeed. You are an amazing woman. You have two beautiful children and you handle it like nothing for the most part. You have the patience of a saint.

Carrie: I know you dont blog but I know you read mine. You sweetie are my best friend. You helped let me know I am strong and dont need to put up with their bull crap. You inspire me to be a stronger woman and let me know I matter no matter what they may say. I pray we stay friends forever.

My other bbc friends: you listen to me laugh and cry. You make me smile and take my side. Seriously ladies you really rock. You make my day and help complete me.

I am sorry for the cheesy letter ladies but today I had to sit down and let it all out. You need to show people you appreciate them or how will they know it. God bless everyone and have a great day.

Migraine headache and sick kids

So it has led to this. Today I have a migraine. One of those that make you throw up. Then my dd woke up and decided to worship the porceline god herself. My house is so entertaining today. I am going to have to clean it spotless on top of things because my hubby decided to let a friend come over. Oh yeah baby so excited...hint of sarcasm. Then I called him to let him know what is going on and he had the nerve to get mad at me. He said please email me because the guys tease me for the phone ringing for me so much. But then I am spending too much time online...grr damned if i do damned if I dont! Sorry we have a family. Well that is it for today. Please keep an eye out for this guy I posted as missing his family is really scared.

Please help Missing Person

A friend of mine on a board I frequent has a missing brother.
He appears to be depressed and has every lead so far is dead ins.
If you have any info please contact your local police station or this police station 847-599-7000


Here is the info Missing since Jan 7th from the Gurnee, Illinois area
Jeffrey Steven Standeven (goes by Jeff)
6'3 about 200 lbs
hazel eyes, brown hair
wears glasses
may still have a full beard, has psoriasis and it's usually fairly visible on his hands and face
driving: 1997 White Ford Crown Victoria, license 6399546
Here is a pic:



This is the number of their local police station if you have any information Gurnee is 847-599-7000

He was found near texas...waiting for friends update

My poor buckeyes

They got creamed. I can understand now how the cub fans feel every year that they just make it. Two years in a row. Very embarassing. I even took some tylonel but forget it was pm so I did not make it to second half. Oh well there is always next year right?

We got more snow tonight. I can see myself here for life sometimes but I guess sometimes you have to move on to be better for family. We will see how the cards fall in the next months. 2008 is going to be a big year mark my words.

Roana is going to school tomorrow. I cannot wait. Just mommy and bubba time...I will keep everyone in the loop. Sorry so short. Just a little down today...hugs to all.

Sorry I have been a gloomy Gus lately

I have decided from this point on I will focus on the positive. I asked him what he asked about the ex. He told me he didn't ask his friend offered the information. He said she lost a lot of weight and has 5 kids and is doing drugs. I guess he didn't know Ro wanted to marry her and she declined! Opps now I feel bad for pooring ice water on Rogelio. LoL His friend also told Rogelio he chose the right woman for him. I cannot believe it. He said I am very family oriented, adore him and gave it all up. Plus his family for the most part loves me. I guess we all get a little insecure when it comes to exes. I did not look up my ex. I knew that would only cause problems. I just need to be more secure in our relationship. You guys are right he has never cheated, he adores me and we have a beautiful family. He is not going anywhere unless it is mutual.

Today we were supposed to go to pueblo but when I woke up in the morning about 4 inches of snow covered the ground. I do not think so. It is not worth it. I emailed the lady I was supposed to pick up some things from freecycle from and she emailed me back. She told me she did not care that the snow was bad that she was going to donate the stuff today if I did not pick it up. I am not going to risk our lives for free stuff. Sorry. Grr sometimes they can be pains.

We took the dog and kids out to play in the snow. It took me 20 minutes to dress lil ro. He had a blast and did not mind all the clothes. I made tortas for lunch. All in all it was a easy day but very very nice. Big Ro and I talked alot today. He told me he adores me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. We are planning a vacation in March. Where I am not exactly sure. We are thinking Ohio to look for a place to live in the next year or California to visit his mom. Ideally I would love to go to tennessee. I want to visit my mother's gravesite. I miss her alot lately. I miss her smile and her warm eyes. I miss the smell of her smokeladen clothing and her scratchy voice. I swear when things get rough I can feel her around me. Wow...growing up I didn't think I did not need her and now that I am grown up I can not live without her. She is my inspiration and I strive to be like her. One day ladies I will tell you all everything that has ever happened.

Right now all I can say is take it day by day. Never doubt your love and try to keep your chin high. I love you all thanks for listening. Enjoy the pics of the kids today

Can't we Just Be family?

Well today was a very long day. I actually went off on big Ro. I told him in no such terms I am tired of it all. Sometimes I need a break too. To my surprise he took Ro-n in another room and Roana to hers and I had a whole 15 minutes to myself. I spent it online of course but it was worth it.

The Big Ro got a call from our BFF she had to go to a car dealership and needed a translator. I had him drop the kids and I at the mall so they could play happily. It was there I realized alot of things. I forgot my camera for one so no cute pictures of the kiddos playing on the big foam cars. Then I looked around as Ro-N screamed and played happily. My husband was not at my side. I was lonely. All the other mommies had their men to pick up the babies and I was by myself. I do not want to be a single mom. I did not sign up for that.

I do not want to be neglected I guess. But I am learning my hubby was raised to be at a friends beckoning. It gets lonely being me sometimes. I guess that is why I cling so tightly to my invisible friends. I am so excited ladies. A friend of mine from Lil Ro's birthboard may be moving close to me in a few months. I will finally have someone who I can relate too. I can finally have a friend with kids close to age with mine. I will finally be accepted and have another confidante.

Grr I need to vent again...So sorry. My husband lately has been talking to an old friend online. Well they switched numbers and they were talking tonight. Rogelio asked about his ex girlfriend. The one he lied to me about never having. You see when we first met he said he was not involved with anyone. Then after I moved in on his birthday this woman called him. I talked to our room mates and they showed me letters from her and everything. I was hurt. Honestly I never got over it. I married him but now that he is inquiring about her it pisses me off! Respect me....grrr I know its history but dont inquire I am sooooo tempted to find my ex and find out how he is...just to give him a taste of his own medicine. I am so mad!

Oh well, life is short. I just gotta live it to the most. My life is not that bad...just sometimes a little lonely. Thanks for caring and god bless. I will try to update daily.

Family Shamily

So my wonderful family is at it again on myspace. I went to a board and asked for advice and they advised me to order a cease and decease letter for them. I am saddened that my sister allows her husband to go that low. We were supposed to be blood and I am now learning the truth.

I didnt tell you guys about what happened last? Well my dh is mexican and who cares right? Apparently they do...they keep saying things like Ro, Ro, Ro your boat back across the border. Well he has been married to me 9 years he is not going anywhere. Jerks. They also posted racial jokes. I know I know stop paying attention. I am just mexican by heart but it still hurts. Grrrr.

This last couple of days are showing me who is who. In light of drama on one board I have seen who is who. I will not let them tell me who I can be friends with. On another note, my bff made me gorgeous cards for Christmas. Also my friends here in the springs gave me way too much stuff for christmas. They gave me cologne (Jlo Still and another one), a pair of jeans and a nice sweater, they gave our family a blanket and gave dh a Polo jacket and the kids some things too. Also we went down to Pueblo and we had a nice time down there. My kiddos are doing great. 3 days till school and i am so ready. Also 3 days till the big Game. GO BUCKS!

A friend of mine on another board may be moving down here with me and if she does we will definately have to have a meet up. I am very excited to make my board ladies more then just my board ladies. LoL

Oh well Im just jammering now. Enjoy these pics of the little ones.

Happy 2008!

Whoever thought that spending the evening cooped up in your apartment could be the best start to the year ever. Rogelio and I had plans to hang out with of bff here in the springs but plans changed because my amiga has the blues. My sil invited us over but honestly imagine a 20 month old, 3 year old and 2 7 year olds...not fun at all. Last time we were there Ro-n got a scar. So at 7 we started our little hoorah. I opened a corona for Ro with limon y sal and toasted him with a big glass of mountain dew. It was beautiful. The kids curled up on the couch and we watched a movie. At 930 roana got very tired. We told her we love you honey it is 2008 somewhere and off she went to bed..my baby boy made it up until 1030 from there on it was just us two lovebirds. We made it. 2008...our 9th new years together. I remember 9 years ago he sent me packing to Ohio but my heart sang for him and 1 week later I made it back to him and I have never turned back.

On another note when does school start again??? These 2 are driving me bonkers I love them but I swear If I hear my name again I am going bonkers. Well that is it for today. More this evening I am sure