4 years already?

Time really does fly when you are having fun. I always thought that September 11 would be a bad day. I never imagined that my life would change on September 10th. I felt sorry for all the family's that had lost loved ones and thanked God I was fortunate enough to not know anyone who was harmed. But then it happened. September 10th 2004 Rogelio and I both had the day off. We had went to blockbuster video to rent a couple of games and then went to Golden Corral for the first time ever. I had an argument with my mother the night before over an unplanned trip. I was going to call her. I looked over at my caller id and I saw 10 missed calls. I then checked my answering machine fearing the worse. On the voice my grandma is crying. She tells me Susan Honey I have to tell you something. Oh god how do I tell you this? Your mama was in a car accident honey. She had to go to the hospital. She passed away honey call me when you get this. My heart shattered into a million peices.

I picked up the reciever and dialed my grandparents number. They confirmed the bad news. I could not take the pain. I collapsed into bed and bawled. My baby Roana was barely 3 but she heard the pain and came and cried on the bed with me. From there on my sister and I planned our trip to my mothers funeral.

Big Ro and I left Roana here in Colorado and flew to Tennessee to bury her. It was a beautiful funeral and my sister and I wrote a poem for my momma. We even read it at her funeral. I know she is better off now. She has no pain and does not need to worry about the breast cancer returning. She is most likely better off now then most of us.

Many days I feel sorry for myself. I cry for my children. They will never know their grandma. I cry for that relationship lost. Yes we have great grandma & grandpa but it is not quite the same. Grandmas spoil and love you no matter what. Some of my best memories are with my grandma. However thinking about it right now I know my kids have something more then a grandma. They have a guardian angel. She never leaves us and no matter what protects my children. I will always miss my mom but to dwell on it does her unjustice. I will keep the good memories and learn from the bad.

Today if you have parents please tell them you love them. Hold them close. I pray it doesnt but you never know. You could lose them tomorrow and never have the chance to tell them I love you. If you are interested here is a link to her poems. When I read them she is still alive with me. Love each other as you never know.