Counting down the Hours Until 2008

Well here it is. I know some of my amigas on the East Coast only have a couple of hours left but her we still have almost five hours remaining. The kids are running around...one hyped up on mountain dew the other just hitting his terrible twos. Hubby is taking a nap so we can countdown to midnight together. My best friend here in the springs already called and wished me a happy new year...yet here I sit with a little sorrow.

I am saddened thinking of what has been gained and lost this year. I lost family members which I realize I never had to begin with. A sister is supposed to be bonded for life but I have learned a mans appendege can cause a woman to turn her back. A father who is supposed to love unconditionally can turn his back because of a man a daughter chooses to love. Life can be miserable and yet it can be short. I also lost my father to a fight that could have been prevented. If only those years he had listened to the doctors. If only he would have protected himself with his infidelities. I know his liver was damaged by a disease that a .25 rubber could have prevented. An uncle and aunt who think they are holier then thow have now lost a neice instead of embracing newfound family. They will feel their sorrow one day when they too realize all that could have been and how we could be family. Oh well, we live we learn

I learned life also has its beauty. The beauty of a child's smile. The loyalty of a son. The warm hugs and kisses is all it takes to make me happy. The warm embrace of a man who loves you and makes his world yours after all this time. This is the true meaning of life.

Yes right now I live in a 2 bedroom apartment. I work as a Stay At Home Mom. I know to a lot of people I may not seem to amount to much. You might even call me trashy for a lot of reasons. I am raising my children. They will have positive memories to associate with me. To be perfectly honest with you all, I will accept my children alway. They can marry or not. They can be homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual and I will still embrace them. They can marry african american, caucasian, hispanic or asian or heck even extra terristial, they will be my children. I love my babies and their happiness is all I need.

So tonight on this new years Eve I am making this resolution. I am going to tell all those who wish my family harm or do not agree with the way I live "Screw You". I am sick of living for everyone else. My family and I's life is the most important. My children are healthy and they continue to amaze me. Stop hating and live life as full as you can people. Life is too short. Once it is gone it is gone forever.

My Baby is A Big Girl

I can hardly believe that 7 years ago I was in the Hospital. I had went in for my weekly test and my doctor showed me a little concern. She sent me right in for an ultrasound and my water was a little low. I was terrified. I picked up the courtesy phone and dialed my husbands cell phone. The conversation went like this.



"Baby can you leave work?"

"No honey why?"

" The doctor needs to talk to us. OMG I need to be admitted for surveilence. I am scared baby"

"Why?"

"If they cant get my fluids up, we will have her new years eve? That is if my water isn't broken."

" Ok baby I will be right there"



I am imagining the worse and crying here in the office all these new or soon to be moms must think I am losing it. He comes rushing through the doors and we talk to our OBGYN. She looks at me and says Susan you have to go. With the hypertension and things we must look out for you. You see the baby wasnt due until 1-22 according to everything. I was thinking I am having a preemie.



We walked into the er and told them I am 36 weeks pregnant and my fluid is low. They had me sit down into the wheelchair and off I was to my private room. I was terrified as they hooked me up the iv's and ro held my hand. I was famished and told them. The nurse took Ro into the hallway and told him I could have no food until the dr was talked to and he was busy in an emergency c-section. I started crying and my sweet husband picked up the phone and called the office. The nurse then called and told them I needed nourishment and to send some food right away.

At 9 pm the doctor came into my room. Rogelio was about to go home for the evening and she started an evaluation. She checked my cervix and I was partially dialated. She then said ok you do seem a little damp and she tested the fluids. The strip quickly turned dark blue. She turned to me and told me I have good news and bad news for you...You are having this baby tonight. I had not even packed my suitcase. I still had 3.5 weeks left. It was crazy.

They added another iv in with my pitocin. They turned on the medicine. The contractions started almost immediately. They also added in the antibiotics for her so just in case.

We picked up the phone to tell my sister in law to bring my mother in law down. She told me they would be down first thing in the morning as most labor last days. I knew this would be quick. At 12 they came in and checked me I was 5 cen dialated. She honestly was hurting like a son a witch too. They asked if I wanted relief. Hell ya I did. Up came the anestheisologist and he poked me in the back 6 times. He then advised me to find an alternate route as the spaces in my back are too small. I then asked for medication which brought me sweet relief for the next couple of centimeters.

Finally at 8 centimeters the back spasms started. I started wailing for hubby to come over and relieve me. He looked helplessly at that clock it stated 142 am and rubbed my back almost in tears himself. Honestly for the next 30 minutes all I remember is the back pain.

At 212 I screamed at rogelio. Please I need to go to the bathroom. The nurse told him she would have to check me if I felt the need to go and I threatened to potty on her. She came in and checked me. I was fully dialated. I was exhausted and disappointed at the same time. She then grabbed my obgyn and she came in full force. She had to give me a episotomy and helped me out. It was a hard 30 minute labor but finally at 242 am on this day I got blessed relief. I looked down into that beautiful face with an oxygen mask and saw a little of myself. I fell in love different from my husband but an unconditional love.

Now here I sit 7 years later and amazingly the pain did not seem that bad. I see her movements and desire to please me. I see her troubles, tears, disappointments and joys. I thank her for giving my first oppurtunity of many to become a mom. The most rewarding and joyous life I could have asked for. My beautiful daughter. Thank you for completing my life.

Goodbye, Good bye, Goodbye 2008

January was a good time. I was working at blockbuster. I cannot believe it was that long ago. I was talking to everyone. Life was good. We rang in the new year together. It was beautiful and I realized what I should have realized a long time ago. Family is all I need (meaning my babies and hubby) We had a closing in December so life was pretty good.

February was great too. My hubby was preparing for yet another closing and I was planning vacations for the first time in years. I was learning the businss and becoming his assistant. It was a nice time.

March was my 27th birthday. Time flies when your having fun. I recieved a gift from my sister but it has since been lost. I know one day I will hear about it. Also we went on vacation to California because my mother in law was in the hospital. I love California too. Sometime if we can afford the Cost of Living I would consider moving there.

April My baby turned one. He hit so many mile stones that month. He started walking, and talking. I cannot believe he is quickly growing. Before i know it I will be giving him away at his wedding...I am going to cry. Also this month was the month I went to visit family in Ohio. We drove all day and night to see them. I went to the hospital to visit my dying father and he ignored me. He talked on the phone to some friend of his and took no interest in his grandchildren. I know now where I stood with him

May was a very ambitious month for us. On the 15th Rogelio and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I am so happy to be with him and our lives to this point. We have everything most people long for.

In May also my daughter graduated from Kindergarten. I cried as my baby is now part of her own world. Also a couple of days later my father passed on. I wish things were different but some people just chose their paths.

June was uneventful

July we spent time with our best friends here in the springs. We went over to their house and watched fireworks and ate to our hearts content.

August was brutal it was hot and my baby started primer grado. She is now excelling and I am proud of her.

September is always hard. On Sept 10th 2004 I lost my mom. Also on that day in 2005 I found i was pregnant with my son. I strongly believe she sent him to me. I still miss her somedays as she was my best friend and I knew she loved me with all her heart.

October, a lot of things happened. My sister in law and I got into argument and she moved to Denver. We stopped talking to her. My nephew turned 7. I didnt even say happy birthday. Also this month we had a falling out with my fathers side of the family. They turned ugly. They showed their racists sides including my own flesh and blood sister. I guess they are happier now and that is good. Life is happiness. On a side note. I did get in contact with a friend I have not talked to in over 10 years. We have picked up where we left off and she is one of the best ones I have now. Carrie thanks for all your support.

November was nice. I started this blog. It is very therapeutic for me. Gives me a place to vent. I have always been a writer and miss this part of my life alot.

December marks the end of the year. We hit our 9 year together mark officially. Ro seriously completes me. Christmas was wonderful. I had good food and drink with friends. Here in 2 days my baby turns 7. She is turning into a beautiful young lady and she makes me proud with every accomplishment.

This year has been a year of ups and downs like every other year. Life is a roller coaster and I am just riding it. Heres to 2007 thanks for the memories...welcome 2008 may you bring me more happiness and life...

Christmas Was Great

Christmas Eve we went to a party with some good friends of ours. It was at a little cantina. I have never experienced anything like it. The kids were running around very happy and the band played as the ladies danced and danced. Everyone was so happy and that is the way Christmas is supposed to be and the way I want to remember it. It never ceases to amaze me that good friends and good food can make the day. We had birria, frijoles ranchera and fruit. Very simple but oh so delicious. Rogelio and I did not dance as we spent most of the time keeping Coronas out of the reach of my Rogelito. LoL







There are the pics of my lil angel and demon.

So Christmas day the kids woke up. I was anxious to see their reaction. Rogelito ran over to his four wheeler and would not give it up. It was a small Christmas but full of love. For dinner we decided not to cook. We braved the snow. (Yes in Colorado for the most part all our Christmas's are white) and drove over to our local chinese food. It was delicious. We had crab legs, coconut shrimp and all the works. Plus no clean up for me. Finally we came home. We curled in front of our xbox 360 and played Viva Pinata Party & Simpsons. Very nice for a change. No drama. No drama for a change..Thank goodness. I only hope it stays that way.

What else could go wrong?????

I was so determined to have a great christmas. This morning was alright. I got my package from my new found sister and my heart is bursting. Well that was until this morning. My son got ahold of the power cord. He ripped it from the wall. Unfortunately attached to that cord was my computer tower. My heart broke. I just knew it was not good. I then turned around turned the computer back on and got the dreaded black screen. I tried a automatic recovery. No avail. I had to reboot the entire system. All my pictures are gone. The thing that breaks my heart is I told Ro please back up my pictures. Please. Now they are all in that void. I still feel like crying. They were some gorgeous pics there. My painted rocks, my holiday concert. Oh my beautiful christmas party. All gone as the never existed. I even lost my christmas card. Oh well. Hopefully being positive works and I can get the bad vibes away. Until then I will have to create my new memories...bah humbug.

I had to find out

I chopped it all off. The lady who cut my hair asked me 4 times if I was sure. Yes...too much pulling. Well I love it. I had to do new who does your child look more like and sure enough the results changes. My daughter looks like dh and ro-n somewhat like me. I am already going crazy. Roana is out of school for 2.5 weeks. I am making a special trip with the kids today. 1st stop segunda, second stop dollar tree and 3rd stop the family dollar. I am a bargain hunter thats what I do. I have to keep these kids busy or we will all drive each other insane. Rogelio was supposed to have a 4 day weekend but we are taking it down to 3. We could use the extra funds for other stuff. I don't mind at all. Lol. Hope all is well. Going to clean the house and then get the rugrats ready for our mini adventure.

Roana's Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Rogelio's Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family search

What I am truly Thankful for

I am so thankful lately for my husband and children. I wonder why God has blessed me with such happiness alot of times. I have Big Ro, a pain in the rear sometimes but when it comes down to it a very sweet guy who adores me and doesn't want to see me hurt. Then I have Roana a holy terror but so sweet when you go the extra mile for her. It wasn't even that much. I made cupcakes for her class and she saw them and they are not perfect but she took her arms wrapped them around me and told me "they are beautiful" thank you mommmy. Brought tears to my eyes. Then there is lil Ro so sweet and handsome. He is sick right now with fever but when he curls in my arms and looks at me with those handsome eyes I just feel my heart swell with pride. This is what the holidays are all about. Being with your family who needs you. Celebrating with the ones who are in your life daily.

This year has been a pretty strange one. I admit it. In the beginning of 2007 I was a whole different person. I was determined to unite my whole family. Now here towards the end I learned you have to stand up for the people who truly care and believe. I think the ugliness has reared its ugly head. I have seen a lot of truth in people I thought I loved. Amazingly I thought I loved them back but when they try to hurt my family I just shove them out. 2008 is going to be a rocking year. I am determined to make them eat their words. I am going to hold tightly to my family.

I remember a lot of things. I will post a day soon with everything. Until then I will go shop and finish my spirit. I am grateful for you friends and a this place I can vent without it being turned around and thrown in my face. I am thankful for life and most of all my beautiful family.

Wow some people are heartless

I know I am not innocent by a long shot. I have been part of drama but I am trying to move on. Yes I have cut some family ties, but you must do what you must do to make a safe haven for your family. You know when I first started these blogs there was drama on myspace. I played games with them but I grew tired of playing like children. The drama died after thanksgiving thank god...well today I logged on there once again just trying to check up on a few friends and enemy's if you catch my drift. This fat ho bag who cannot even mother her own child is insinuating crap again. I don't know if you heard about the colorado springs shootings...well yea it happened here and the only suspect is dead. I'm scared out of my panties right now. People do crazy things at Christmas....and some reason sad things happen here first. IE Columbine (yea I lived in Littleton at the time too so it must have been me huh) then the other school shootings. Now this tragedy at a local church (again happened here in Colorado Springs, so must have been me!).....Grrr woman grow up and get a life. You are supposedly muslim a very peaceful group from what I hear why you gotta stir the pot. I swear dont wake up the mama bear in me...I will attack you. I know if I left my husband the courts would grant me custody...what did you do so wrong to lose your child fat witch???? I swear, why you gotta get me down...errrrrrerrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sorry amigas. Had to get it out. I swear I wanna rip her limb from limb....the kids are well and my honey surprised me today. He brought me home Mcd's for lunch not my fav but its the thought that counts. I love him. Thanks for the memory's amigas. Hey you, the one I talked to this morning. Stay strong trust me it will all work out in the end. You are like sisters to me. Better then the one I could was given!

Finally some holiday spirit!

This weekend was a beautiful weekend. The snow fell and I fell backwards into the memories of my childhood. I remember christmas eve with rotolos pizza and dairy queen ice cream driving around on the ice and looking at snow. I also remember running down the alley bundled up in my coat barging through the door to my grandparents and demanding a walk. I remember my grandma taking my hand and us walking a few blocks listening to the snow crunch. I love my grandma with all my heart even to this day. Whenever the snow sparkles I think of her and our walks through the diamond snow! Nicknames because it shimmered like 1000 diamonds sparkling and polished. I promised myself this weekend I would make memories like these for my kids too.

I swear my family will relish each holiday and be close. We will love eachother till one of us passes. I put up the tree and yes I now have a little more christmas spirit. Hope all is well.

Time Flies

I swear sometimes I can be so empty-headed. I am usually the first to proudly announce any anniversary date in my insignificant head of mine. This past Weds was a big day for me. It was the first official day of my growing up. It was when I took my wings and spread them out to fly. To be honest when it first happened in 1998, I had no clue what I was in for. I got dressed slowly, grabbed my suitcase and looked at my room. I never knew it would be the last time I looked in at it as a child. I went to Columbus International Airport and said goodbye to my dad and went and checked in. I had not slept all night, and my heart was doing flip-flops. I was flying to Colorado to meet the man who had infatuated me. For 4 hours I sat in anticipation and prayed he would show like the honest man I knew he was. After a $365.00 phone bill and a round trip ticket...I would be complete.

The plane landed on the runway. I stepped out and my heart beat faster with every possible scenario that would or could happen. Would he see me and run the other direction? Would it be a setup and a man who wanted to kill me? Would it be a pratical joke? Or would he be my dream come true? I walked up the terminal and looked around. I was the last one off the plane. I looked to my right and there stood my group, leading the pack was my dream. My dream was holding a boquet of balloons and a dozen red roses. I ran to him and hugged him tightly. This day was the first time I laid eyes on him beside by pictures and loving emails. I embraced him and he took me to his car.

He drove me around the city and I was dumbfounded by the scenery. I was a small town Ohio girl. I had never really been away from my family. I looked over at his eyes and saw so much love. I knew I had met my soulmate. I knew he completed me. I had to be sure he felt the same way.

A couple hours later we went to an resturaunt where I met his boss. He introduced me as his girlfriend. Funny how that term can make a woman fall over. His boss then invited me over to a pool hall. I was amazed by this gentlemen that stood above me. He kindly reached my hand and told them, we will meet you there. We walked in to the pool hall and played one round. Then he took a handful of quarters and we went to play a game. When his team won. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he turned and we looked into eachother's eyes. We kissed. Oh my how the fireworks went off. I looked over at him and he blushed. We went to his friends and explained we were going to leave. We walked over a park across the street and he explained he was ashamed because he had planned our first kiss to happen here. As I hugged him I kissed him again. We were one, the snow began to fall.

We went home to his apartment and spent some more time with his roomates. I will spare you the details but it was a night I will never forget. I made up my mind then and there that we would be one forever.

So yes for 9 years now...I am grown up. I took those first babysteps and made a commitment to myself and to him. I know things are not perfect all the time. I know we test each others patience but you know I love this man with all my heart. If anything happened to him, I would fail to florish. I am so lucky to have found my best friend and partner. Thank you Ro for accepting me and thank you for blessing me with this life...not perfect but darn close to it. I love you and promise I will be yours till the day I die.

Mommy 's Unite, Mommy's on Strike

I am starting to realize that Mommy's are really underpaid and really overworked. Here I am with my daughter who knows how to fake sick and a son who just thinks I am a bouncy horse. Hubby came home for lunch and I look like a semi ran me over. It is this cold. I need to sleep give me a break. Heck, just 5 minutes alone in the tun can rejuvenate me. Granted he will call and see if I feel any better. But cannot promise he will be home before 5. Give me a break. When you work a 9-5 job you are guaranteed at least a 15 minute break and an unpaid lunch. Mommy does not get that pleasure. So mommys help me unite. I know this strike will only last a minute though because once I make that sign and stand outside. i have to return for the next dirty diaper. Thanks for listening to me vent.

An adult blog for my Adult Party

Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! I am sooooo excited. This week really made me crave the holidays. Friday was such a blast. We went to our favorite chinese resturaunt and had food. It was wok 2000. I highly recommend if you are in the Springs. Saturday Ro took the kiddos to the park so I could focus on the apartment as grandma was coming for the evening to watch the kids before the party. The apartment looked great if I must say so myself. At 445 we both got ready. He looked so handsome in his sweater vest and I in my matching ensemble. We headed off the the hilton ballroom to eat drink and be merry.

This was our first real date as long as I can remember. I want to say before the kids. We searched the room and saw a couple we hang out with before at the sky sox game. We sat down and sipped our water. Rogelio asked if I wanted anything. I was determined not to drink but as they switched the lights down low I asked for some chardeny. He got a glass of merlot that was strong. I finished his merlot as they brought out the green beans, baby red potatos, steaming rolls, roast beef, flank steak and a very nice cranberry green salad. I was in heaven as I stood at the dessert bar. I grabbed suculant chocolate cake and a slice of merengue pie.

I strolled back over to the table with my date and sat down. A few people stopped by to greet us and I smiled. I am so thankful he has this great job. After the meal they turned on the lights. We all had to make up a new line to the christmas carol twelve days of christmas. Our table won because we had the most creativity.

After the little game, they turned the lights down low. A friend at the table asked me to join her in a drink. We had a sweet drink called Jolly Rancher that knocked me on my behind. The slow music started playing and I felt a little sad. I looked at Rogelio and him knowing what was on my mind said" Come on baby lets dance". This was so much better then prom. We ended up calling it a night at 1030. We brought ourselves home and talked. Wow my first real adult party and real adult date. I honestly hope we can do this again. It was so perfect it almost appeared to be a dream...or was it really just that? Pictures to show you....thanks guys for helping me relive an awesome night where I once again felt like a woman not just a mommy!

My near perfect life

Yea I wish. The kids were sick until yesterday. I love Colorado but the weather changes so rapidly here. Oh well. I am so tired and ready for the big christmas party on Saturday. Adults only....maybe Ro and I can finally kick back and be a couple. May god bless you all and enjoy this...my first official family video with my family.

trying to be good again

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I am in love!!!!!

So far this weekend has been wonderful! Well for the most part. Saturday we went to get chinese food and played at a park. The dog ran off to the creek again and I was soooo scared. My heart stopped. He came back after the longest 7 minutes of my life. I am sorry but in freezing temps and snow flurries if the dog wants bigger and better things he wins! But no worries he returned.

We went to a park to play with our new video camcorder. It is so nice. The pictures are vibrant and I swear it is new. I need to edit the video and post it later. LoL. I also took some pictures of my rugrats. They are nice. I love them so much. Rogelio and the kids are my main focus in life right now. Ro asked what I wanted for christmas I want them to be happy that is all.

Noone else matter noone. I do not want people to put them down. I am part of them. They can have their happiness and live their lives. We will thrive. I dont want my family's pity. Also on the contrary I will not also let other family suffer because noone deserves that. I am there for those who need me. I hope everyone is well and that you are all as blessed as I am. Thanks for looking.

Countdown to Christmas

Last night I swore I would not get into the hype! I swore the cold would keep me cuddled up warm in my blankets. However when I heard the wind at 5 am it beckoned me. The black friday sales. I must go on. Dh was already awake and said "Baby you wanna brave it?" Hell ya, I wanted to scream. This day is almost another holiday for me. Yea I know I was feeding the commercialism. But yesterday was not a stereotypical thanksgiving either. We bundled our two babies in their coats and headed to the car. It is flurrying. I went to an game store and scored a collecters editon halo 3 for 74 when normally is 125. Then went over to toys r us. Heck no never again. The line was wrapped around the store 4 times. NO NO NO toy is worth that frusturation. LoL. So off we headed to target. Santa called me and told me my son would like a motorcycle so they had one one sale for 50. I snatched the last one ran to the registers and checked out. Then circuit city for dvds for 3.99 for 50. After we went to Babies R Us. I got diapers...their brand that value pack for $10 each. I only got three as I hope to start potty training here very soon. So this is the beginning the countdown to christmas. Surprisingly I am very very excited now. We have 3 parties to attend and our own special day. Thank god for good friends and my loving family.

Wow I feel So Strange

Here it is beautiful Thursday and I woke up to a dusting of snow on the ground. Usually at this time I start preparing my turkey and pies. But not this year. This year we are going to our friends house and its bring your own dish. Well we choose to get a HoneyBaked ham. I have a 5$ coupon so it should be very good. I am so excited. No hustle and also I will enjoy the time I have with the friends who have blessed me this year. I am so very excited.

Also we have finally invested in a new to us camcorder. I love it. I am going to take the kids outside in a few and tape them playing in the snow. The camera is for sale at walmart still at 249 before tax here is the link

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5614754

Get this. I got it for a whooping 95.00 because I got great hook-ups. LoL I cannot wait to share video worthy of sharing. So just wanted to say hi! I give thanks to all of you this year. Thanks for standing by my side.

I've Been tagged

I've been tagged by kelly & erica & anelys

So, here are 8 random things about me.

1. I have 2 deceased parents that where lost after thier divorce after 20 years.

2. I have a dream to swim with fish.

3. I am obsessed with my husband. I would give my life for his.

4. On my ankle I have a burn that is over 20 years old. I got it when I poured hot water on my sock when I was 7.

5. I broke my arm when I was a little girl. I have never had stiches though.

6. I love my in-laws and my mom's side of her family but cannot stand my sister, her hubby or my dads side of the family (with a few exceptions of course)

7. I have more than one best friend. I know they would give thier life for mine.

8. I am a shopaholic....but I dont like to buy anything unless it is from the secondhand store or the clearance rack.


Now you all know some tidbits about me. I tag....

guess all my bloggers where already tagged.

Yesterday got better

Ro came home and we talked. I apologized for screwing up and he was sorry because he didnt know I had new shoes on. Before we picked Roana up from school, I took my boy Ro-n to the park to play. It was so darn cute. He tried playing with the big kids but to no avail.

Here is the video hope you enjoy. Please ignore my voice!

It is One of THOSE Days

I was so excited. I was going to have lunch at my daughters school. Of course I had to get ready and little man too. He looked so darn cute. I went to target this morning and bought a new outfit for the 3 parties we have this christmas. It is very nice. It is a cream and black lace tunic and a nice flowy black skirt. I even got 4 inch heels and all headband. All for the price of 13.00. I was so proud. I came home and did my sons hair and got him ready. I got the diaper bag ready and went to wait outside. Well imagine me holding a 22 lb toddler who is trying to scramble to the park in a new pair of shoes and clothes. These ones to be exact
Here is the clothes




Shoes

So I go out at scheduled time and my dh is not there. So I walk around the building and come upstairs he is sitting at the computer. We are running a little behind. We get to the school and I look for my wallet. It is not there. Crap...we cannot eat lunch with her. I am so disappointed. I go outside and get upset with dh. He then rips the nametag off and see I will see you when you get home. He feft me standing in front of the school. We came together so I had to walk home. Granted we live 2 blocks from here but still in new shoes its not comfortable especially when you are carrying a baby that heavy with no stroller.

So I come home and relax then he calls. He said he went in for a reason. It is my fault he offered to get the money this morning. I made it easy and it all backfired. Roana understood thank god but I am crushed. Why does bad things always happen when I look my best? I will post some pics of little man...he is the best thing that happened today. Why can't I do anything right?

When you're a mom

So finally reality smacked me. When you're a Mom it seems like you are no longer your own person. It is sad when every word out of my mouth comes out as "Hi I am Roana's mom." Or a kid in the class recognizes me and says hi roanas mom and I turn around and say Hi. I am no longer my own person but you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. My children are my joy and noone can take that away from me!

On the drama side, things are starting to die down. I am ignoring them and my friends are sticking by my side. I think they are saviors for that. Its times like this that you realize who is who in your life. I am learning alot of stuff I would have never known.

I am appreciating each day as it was my last. I am loving my husband and falling deeper in love. Screw the world if they look down on us. We were meant to be we are soul mates.


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I have loss Nothing...I have only Gained My Self-Respect

I swear a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like a free spirit now. I am no longer afraid to be affectionate with my hubby and I now realize everyone has their quirks noone is perfect. Big Ro is there for me. He comforts me and makes me feel so really beautiful. When I think of all God has done for me the best thing he gave me was Webtv. Without it he would have ended up with that terror of a girlfriend as a wife and I probably would have been a lot worse off. These last couple of days that I have separated from my father's side of the family has been really peaceful. I got a few harassing emails but I just shrugged them away. My children can sense the calmness radiating off my eyes and now are clinging to me. Is it possible that a negative family acceptance effects the family? I can conclusively say yes. Now that honestly I just don't give a hoot about them, I realize my whole household is a lot more content. We are enjoying life without them.

Can I tell you? My poor children never really had a relationship with any of those haters! My sister had saw my oldest daughter (age 6.9) a total of 3 times since she was born and my son (18 months) one time. But she has seen my cousins countless times. My poor children cannot even point to a picture and recognize her. Sooooo in my heart I feel they have not loss anything. I wish I could make them realize this. I wish I could make them disappear so I am choosing to ignore them. No my phone is not dead. I am sending you to voicemail. Just because I don't Instant Message you back does not make me the spawn of Satan. Pero Bueno, I have my friends. They are more support then you have ever given me. So give us a break and leave us alone. I wish they would GROW UP and move on to better more important things. Like we Have.

Thank you for following this journey with me. I am looking forward to growing only more positive. I am learning now that my Big Ro is the one I need to confide my fears and goals with. He in return is confiding and me. Strangely enough the family I thought I couldn't live without is the family I am living without. So to them that hold on to the memories...Take Your Memories, I don't need them.

Have a great day and I look forward to updating more positive once again soon.

I am in the Mode today

This video describes my life right now to "t". I am going on now if only other people would follow my footsteps. All would be right.

Check out this video: Survivor



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Everything Is Beautiful

So this weekend was surprisingly one of the best weekends in years. We went down to Pueblo, CO to meet with a freind of ours and we drove around. Pueblo really is a nice town. Once you get inside of it. Then when we came back I logged onto the dreaded myspace. Its an addiction I tell you. I was bombarded by harassing email so off I went to block people who only wish me the worse. I am so tired of beating a dead horse now. Just leave me alone people.

Sunday Ro and I had to get out of the house. Outside of the Springs about 40 minutes is a quiet little town called Calhan. The people are friendly and there is a County funded park called Paint Mines. We got everyone ready and took our dog. We talked alot in the car and it was very nice. We drove up and crap it was an uphill walk. I dreaded it when I pulled out our jogger stroller. But then it felt so good to work out for a change. I looked to my right and on what looked like a creek bed was a small sign marked trail. I looked at Big Ro and told him lets see where it goes. We followed it back and we found the most beautiful rocks I have seen. They where tinted white, purple and even some gold. It was amazing. I realized then I am in love with Colorado and sometimes think I could not live with out it. I looked at my amazing man and I realized how truly blessed I am. I just wish he could realize I am really connected to him. Oh well its been 9 years. We have a great connection. We then went to the segunda and I found a nice baby backpack for Lil Ro for .50. So next time we can go higher into the rocks. Well thats all so far today. I will post some pictures for your enjoyment.

























Have a blessed day everyone and hope these pictures meet your liking.

From the Sky Comes Many Blessings

So here I am, I am now focusing on positive instead of negative. I am putting all negativity outside of my life. It is way to short to let people get me down. I am so very happy right now. I have been reunited with a friend I have not spoken to in almost 10 years. I can thank all this drama for that. I can say she is a great support system and I pray our friendship can stay strong. It is times like this that you seperate the men from the boys or in my case the family from the frauds. I am so sorry I got some people into this but I think true colors came out. But Bueno I have been blessed because I can now see who is there for me. I know God has placed them all in my life for a reason and when I go back to Ohio, well life will be complete.

We had a great evening. We had some chinese food and then went over to a video store. It was a good evening. In the morning I spend well over an hour with my sister Carrie on the phone. It is amazing how we just picked up like there was no time lapse at all. Thank you girl for lifting me up when I needed it the most.

Ro-N now is saying thank you. He told the chinese lady it today. He astounds me. Roana is Roana. She keeps asking about Christmas and when it is. My Ro is impressing me so much. He is working all overtime tomorrow. I hope he only works 4-6 hours so we can do something nice. But at 16.50 an hour I will not complain. So not much new here on my front. I am now going to go crawl on couch with big Ro and watch some flicks.

Stay Strong and have faith all will come through in the end. The true colors come out and leave a rainbow from the people who are good.

Last Night Was Awesome

No not the way you ladies are thinking. Naughty, Naughty. Big Ro and I sat done and talked. I told him a little about my fears of him cheating. He looked at me like I was insane and told me he is just friends with a lot of people and will not change for anyone. He also told me he loves his gordita and will love me for as long as I allow. We talked about the drama that was going on in my family. We decided for now I am going to let it go. I am not saying I am talking to them again but also I refuse to feed the negativity. I know I have Ro and his family and my online family too. With everyone I have as a support system I am very strong now.

Roana is making me so proud lately. This morning she woke up and told me her tummy ached. I gave her two options stay home and go to the store with me Or go to school and try to survive. She looked at me with the strongest smile and said I think Ill go to school mommy. She also told me she loves school and wants to be a nurse. I asked her why not a Doctor? She responded "because mommy the dr needs a nurse to help him or the dr cannot fix the person!" It kinda makes sense but she is turning into a sweetie. Well when she is not wrestling with her bubba Lil Ro.

Lil Ro, I cannot tell you guys how much he has grown. He now weighs 21 lbs and is 33 inches long. He is my soldier. He is goofy though and has me pulling my hair out at times. He has learned to climb on the table and also how to draw a bath. Very scary but he is so much different then his sister. He now says Kaka (I know not nice), Hi Dada, peas (please), thank you, and a few other words. Honestly he is keeping me on my toes lately. LoL.

Rex my puppy is amazing. He is now trained to walk without a leash. He also is very independent. On Sunday we went out for a walk at a park. We forgot there was a creek he could jump into. We took off the leash to go after a ball and the next thing I saw was him sprinting off. I didn't think anything of it until dh shook his head. I ran over with LiL Ro in my arms and looked down. My puppy had jumped off a 20 ft ledge into the creek. I am so thankful he is ok and we got him out. I have learned now I need to control him.

Me, well I am just chilling. I am trying to take each day by day. I am no longer dwelling on hate and just striving to see my family succeed. Not everyone can be blessed as I am. Ro & I are going to have some down time again tonight so we will probably watch ghosthunters and a couple of movies. I am making spaghetti & meatballs, salad with olive oil vinagerette & whole wheat french bread. Then who knows what happens later. You can use your imaginations we are all grown ups.

So my good friends. If I don't post again tonight. Thank you for supporting and loving me. I know God has blessed me with each and every one of you. May we all have the strength to ignore those who only want to put us down. I know I am now learning that lesson too well. Much love and Peace to all.

Hope You Enjoy these Pictures

My Minnie


My Eeyore


My 3 Ro's


The View From My Apartment


I Love This Picture


My Lil Ro


My Princesa